Can Beer Pong Cause Herpes?

Let me get this strait…This chick wants me not to swap spit with anyone in college, go to class, study, AND not pass my herpes on to fellow beer pongers? All this leading to sobriety?! Worst college ideas, EVER! I may as well have stayed in high school. Let me tell you a little secret, lady: These kids DON’T CARE!

Drunkenness, sharing spit, and trading various (mostly) harmless diseases with co-eds in college made up exactly three of the four reasons I chose to attend college. The fourth reason is because I was on the run from various governmental agencies in my home state, but I digress. If I was so worried about what bacteria and virii (viruses? virusi? thats a toughie…) I was giving to, and getting from the ladies I was ponging, don’t you think I would have wiped my balls off? That’s just ridiculousness.

Another point I want to make, as hot as this doctor is that’s telling kids to stop enjoying their 4-10 years of fun and freedom before joining the work force is, she must have been one nasty broad in college. I picture her, wearing a homemade cardigan, sipping peppermint tea, with NO hint of alcohol, as her then-giant posterior swallows the chair she decides to punish. All this on a Friday night, curled up with her only real friends, John Grisham and Anne Rice. The fact that she’s dropped 300-pounds and doesn’t go in public covered in her cats’ hair from cozy cuddle time, doesn’t mean she can tell me to castrate myself and start doing charity work.

Shame on you, Doctor Petersen. In this age of terrorism and hate, why would you deprive our youth of their last few years of innocence and unprotected pong?