SAY WHAT????

A couple of days ago (they all run together when you live hammered), I had a ‘Finkle is Einhorn’ moment only I needed not to suction my face with my plunger. I’m just wonderin’ why in the world there aren’t more colleges and universities out there with a monkey as its mascot… I mean monkeys are hilarious!!! You could have Orangutans, Baboons, Gorillas, Chimpanzes, Marmosets, Spider Monkeys, Wooly Monkeys, etc. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue betwix a roaming monkey and the kiddos at every home game!! (Look how beloved the Phoenix Suns’ Gorilla is…)

Anyhow, here’s a small sample of some of the mascots out there:

Anteaters (University of California-Irvine), Antelopes (Grand Canyon University in Phoenix AND University of Nebraska-Kearney), Banana Slugs (University of California-Santa Cruz), Boll Weevils (University of Arkansas-Monticello), Camels (Campbell University in Buies Creek, North Carolina), Cobbers (Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota), Ephs (Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts), Humpback Whales (University of Alaska-Southeast), Kangaroos (Austin College in Sherman, Texas AND University of Missouri-Kansas City), Koalas (Columbia College in South Carolina), Moose (University of Maine-Augusta), Nads (Rhode Island School of Design), Wasps (Emory and Henry College in Emory, Maryland).

Seriously, you tellin’ me out in Santa Cruz they’d rather be sportin’ hoodies w/ Banana Slugs on ‘em than a Baboon?? Come on. And the Nads of Rhode Island? Really? Do they chant “Go Nads!” at every each home game?  Boll Weevils? You WANT to be named after a beetle pest who ruins cotton harvests and Mrs. Rudy’s flower gardens?  Kangaroos and Koalas?  Why not have Crocodile Dundee as your mascot!!  Ephs?  What the Eph?!?!?!  Moose?  Shouldn’t they be the UM-A Meese?!!?  And Humpback Whales?  I’d love to hear their battle cry/chants!!

I Just Don't Get It!!

Monkeys are even fierce beasts, and one of the dominant species in all the jungle. Gorillas’ only enemies are humans, and occasionally leopards, no one else dares mess with them. There’s not an animal out there than can measure up pound-for-pound to the sheer strength of a Silverback Gorilla. Wouldn’t this be a good mascot to have? Hilarious and Powerful? Entertaining and Dangerous?

Then there’s a whole slew of schools out there who don’t even have a nickname or mascot!! Like the University of Sarasota (Florida), Allen College (Waterloo, Iowa), Bastyr University (Seattle, Washington), and Sage College of Albany (New York). Again, the Bastyr Baboons? Sarasota Spider Monkeys?? Sage College of Albany Apes???

Bastyr Baboons???

The only monkey mascot I could stumble upon was the Pittsburg State University Gorillas out of Pittsburg, Kansas. And due to such they are now in my Top Six favorite institutions of learning. If any of yall know of any more schools out there repped by monkeys, please let me know…

RESPECT & RECOGNIZE!!

David Letterman began a new holiday tradition back in 2008 by showing this clip, and hopefully, Sherm will be back this week. But go ahead and catch him now. Sherman the Monkey…. sneezing.

Michael K. Shinkle, 54, pleaded guilty Monday in Buchanan County Court to two counts of receiving stolen property for receiving stolen pigtailed macaque monkeys in 2008.

Shinkle avoided a jury trial set for next week by entering the guilty plea before a circuit judge, who placed Shinkle on two years probation.

His wife, Lisa Shinkle, was found guilty of the same charges last week in a Buchanan County jury trial. Her sentencing is set for Sept. 14.

Prosecutors said the Shinkles were given monkeys that had been stolen from a Jackson County sanctuary in 2007. The two monkeys, named Nicholas and Abby, were recovered in September.
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TWO YEARS PROBATION?!?!?! THAT’S A LITTLE STEEP IF YOU ASK ME. FIRST OF ALL MONKEY’S ARE HILARIOUS AND MORE TEAMS SHOULD HAVE THEM AS THEIR MASCOTS, AS I DOCUMENTED BACK IN JANUARY. SECONDLY, THESE RARE EXOTIC BEASTS DON’T BELONG IN A SANCTUARY, THEY BELONG IN A LOVING HOME. JUST LOOK AT HOW HAPPY LIL’ BEASTIE IS BELOW…..

Thought I’d take a quick moment to bring you two fascinating stories.
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First up is Augie. Augie is a 2-year old greater Swiss mountain dog who lives in Apex, North Carolina. Apparently Augie was so anxious about the Tar Heels Tourney run, he mistook $400 in cash money for his dinner.

Kelley Davis said she had an extra $400 in cash to deposit after working extra hours as a physical therapist. She told the News & Observer of Raleigh that on Friday she planned to deposit the money, but it wasn’t in her pocket.

When she took Augie for a walk later on, she found parts of three $100 bills and five $20s in his leavings. She washed them with a garden hose in hopes to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.

A professor at the North Carolina State University Veterinary School said the money shouldn’t hurt the dog. (Thank goodness)

You can watch the story HERE.
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Next up: Only in Malaysia!!!

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – Police said a man shot his neighbor, mistaking her for a monkey as she was picking sapodilla fruit in his tree.

Yahaya Othman, police chief in eastern Pahang state, said the woman was gathering fruit Thursday when her neighbor shot her.

The man came home and saw rustling in the tree and fired into it, Yahaya said. “Then there was screaming … and only then did he know it was his neighbor.”

He said the woman was hospitalized with a wound to the abdomen but her condition was stable Friday.

He said police were investigating the man, a volunteer security corps member, for illegally discharging a firearm, which carries a maximum prison term of two years.