Posts Tagged “monkey”
Missouri Man Pleads Guilty In Stolen Exotic Monkey Case
By: Carl H | July 30th, 2009 | Category: HilariousnessST. JOSEPH, Mo. — A second defendant in the theft of two exotic monkeys has pleaded guilty to receiving stolen property.
Michael K. Shinkle, 54, pleaded guilty Monday in Buchanan County Court to two counts of receiving stolen property for receiving stolen pigtailed macaque monkeys in 2008.
Shinkle avoided a jury trial set for next week by entering the guilty plea before a circuit judge, who placed Shinkle on two years probation.
His wife, Lisa Shinkle, was found guilty of the same charges last week in a Buchanan County jury trial. Her sentencing is set for Sept. 14.
Prosecutors said the Shinkles were given monkeys that had been stolen from a Jackson County sanctuary in 2007. The two monkeys, named Nicholas and Abby, were recovered in September.
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TWO YEARS PROBATION?!?!?! THAT’S A LITTLE STEEP IF YOU ASK ME. FIRST OF ALL MONKEY’S ARE HILARIOUS AND MORE TEAMS SHOULD HAVE THEM AS THEIR MASCOTS, AS I DOCUMENTED BACK IN JANUARY. SECONDLY, THESE RARE EXOTIC BEASTS DON’T BELONG IN A SANCTUARY, THEY BELONG IN A LOVING HOME. JUST LOOK AT HOW HAPPY LIL’ BEASTIE IS BELOW…..
SPLAIN IT!! Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A… Monkey?
By: Dirk | June 16th, 2009 | Category: Splain It
Snap-fist is flat out BAD ASS. No one doubts it. NO ONE. He is f-ing Hard! Someone once took a picture of ‘hard’. When they developed the picture it was Snap-fist giving them the finger (HE WASN’T EVEN THERE). Now that’s hard. Years of crisp, flawless life and bloody knuckles proves his pure dominance. Punching here, kicking there and drinking everywhere. What. A. Life.
When Little Snap-fist developed testicular cancer. He ate it. That right. He ate the cancer. He neutered himself and ate his nuts with a beer. That’s bad ass. How bad ass? He doesn’t even bleed! He once punched himself in the face just to see what being hit felt like. Truth or dare? He can only answer truth, he’s already done everything!
Back flip? No problem. Front flip? Done. If you ask him a question, he answered it yesterday. Why does he wear gloves? People die! Why does he wear headgear? People die! He once head butted a hen.
Besides eminent death, it laid 37 eggs! He ate them. ALL! Why does he wear a gi? His wiener would drag the ground. Ouch. Nobody wants a lacerated wiener, not even Snap-fist.
He’s been married 3 times. First wife? Dead. Second? Dead. Third? Missing. Does he have any children? One. He gave birth to himself! That’s BAD ASS. He once knocked a guy out for looking at him funny; Dude was blind. He once kicked the fat right off a chick so he could bang her; He doesn’t do fatties.
Snap-fist doesn’t dream. He is one.
Spring Begins as Dog eats/craps Money, Woman Mistaken for Monkey is Shot
By: Carl H | March 20th, 2009 | Category: WeirdToday may be the single greatest day of the year. It is officially the first day of Spring. March Madness is in full effect. NBA squads are making their push for the playoffs. Spring Training is booming and Opening Day in MLB is two weeks away. We are also six weeks away from the Kentucky Derby where the Pinkie squad hopes to see everyone gallavantin’ out and about in the Churchill infield.
Thought I’d take a quick moment to bring you two fascinating stories.
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First up is Augie. Augie is a 2-year old greater Swiss mountain dog who lives in Apex, North Carolina. Apparently Augie was so anxious about the Tar Heels Tourney run, he mistook $400 in cash money for his dinner.
Kelley Davis said she had an extra $400 in cash to deposit after working extra hours as a physical therapist. She told the News & Observer of Raleigh that on Friday she planned to deposit the money, but it wasn’t in her pocket.
When she took Augie for a walk later on, she found parts of three $100 bills and five $20s in his leavings. She washed them with a garden hose in hopes to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.
A professor at the North Carolina State University Veterinary School said the money shouldn’t hurt the dog. (Thank goodness)
You can watch the story HERE.
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Next up: Only in Malaysia!!!
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – Police said a man shot his neighbor, mistaking her for a monkey as she was picking sapodilla fruit in his tree.
Yahaya Othman, police chief in eastern Pahang state, said the woman was gathering fruit Thursday when her neighbor shot her.
The man came home and saw rustling in the tree and fired into it, Yahaya said. “Then there was screaming … and only then did he know it was his neighbor.”
He said the woman was hospitalized with a wound to the abdomen but her condition was stable Friday.
He said police were investigating the man, a volunteer security corps member, for illegally discharging a firearm, which carries a maximum prison term of two years.
Sherman the Monkey, Sneezing
By: Carl H | January 21st, 2009 | Category: Hilariousness - VideosFor the life of me, I can’t figure out why this is funny… but it is. I just finished drying my tears of laughter after no less than 12 viewings of this beast, and I dare any of you to watch it without at least concocting a slight chuckle.
David Letterman began a new holiday tradition last Tinksgiving by showing this clip, and after seeing the re-run a couple nights ago I had to bring this masterpiece to the Pinkie. Of course, Sherm will be back in November, but for now, here he is, Sherman the Monkey…. sneezing.
Mascot Mania: Simply Baffling
By: Carl H | January 12th, 2009 | Category: Sports
SAY WHAT????
A couple of days ago (they all run together when you live hammered), I had a ‘Finkle is Einhorn’ moment only I needed not to suction my face with my plunger. I’m just wonderin’ why in the world there aren’t more colleges and universities out there with a monkey as its mascot… I mean monkeys are hilarious!!! You could have Orangutans, Baboons, Gorillas, Chimpanzes, Marmosets, Spider Monkeys, Wooly Monkeys, etc. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue betwix a roaming monkey and the kiddos at every home game!! (Look how beloved the Phoenix Suns’ Gorilla is…)
Anyhow, here’s a small sample of some of the mascots out there:
Anteaters (University of California-Irvine), Antelopes (Grand Canyon University in Phoenix AND University of Nebraska-Kearney), Banana Slugs (University of California-Santa Cruz), Boll Weevils (University of Arkansas-Monticello), Camels (Campbell University in Buies Creek, North Carolina), Cobbers (Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota), Ephs (Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts), Humpback Whales (University of Alaska-Southeast), Kangaroos (Austin College in Sherman, Texas AND University of Missouri-Kansas City), Koalas (Columbia College in South Carolina), Moose (University of Maine-Augusta), Nads (Rhode Island School of Design), Wasps (Emory and Henry College in Emory, Maryland).
Seriously, you tellin’ me out in Santa Cruz they’d rather be sportin’ hoodies w/ Banana Slugs on ‘em than a Baboon?? Come on. And the Nads of Rhode Island? Really? Do they chant “Go Nads!” at every each home game? Boll Weevils? You WANT to be named after a beetle pest who ruins cotton harvests and Mrs. Rudy’s flower gardens? Kangaroos and Koalas? Why not have Crocodile Dundee as your mascot!! Ephs? What the Eph?!?!?! Moose? Shouldn’t they be the UM-A Meese?!!? And Humpback Whales? I’d love to hear their battle cry/chants!!
I Just Don't Get It!!
Monkeys are even fierce beasts, and one of the dominant species in all the jungle. Gorillas’ only enemies are humans, and occasionally leopards, no one else dares mess with them. There’s not an animal out there than can measure up pound-for-pound to the sheer strength of a Silverback Gorilla. Wouldn’t this be a good mascot to have? Hilarious and Powerful? Entertaining and Dangerous?
Then there’s a whole slew of schools out there who don’t even have a nickname or mascot!! Like the University of Sarasota (Florida), Allen College (Waterloo, Iowa), Bastyr University (Seattle, Washington), and Sage College of Albany (New York). Again, the Bastyr Baboons? Sarasota Spider Monkeys?? Sage College of Albany Apes???
Bastyr Baboons???
The only monkey mascot I could stumble upon was the Pittsburg State University Gorillas out of Pittsburg, Kansas. And due to such they are now in my Top Six favorite institutions of learning. If any of yall know of any more schools out there repped by monkeys, please let me know…
RESPECT & RECOGNIZE!!
