Posts Tagged “christmas”

Things That Piss Me Off: Santa’s Reindeer

By: Dirk | December 22nd, 2009 | Category: Things That Piss Me Off

That’s right, I hate Santa’s stupid reindeer. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolf are all on my $#!t list. First of all, you pricks work one day a year, and expect me to sprinkle glittery reindeer food in my front yard so you will stop by my house. I’ve got news for you dumbasses that are drinking the Kool-Aid on this one: not everyone is leaving carrots and celery for the laziest reindeer on the planet, and I’m officially done on this one. Is it coincidence that when you rearrange the letters in Santa’s name, it spells “Satan”? That’s one big coincidence.

Dasher may be the biggest a-hole reindeer, since he never takes a shower. My gutters clog every year when this unhygienic piece of trash decides to take a fat dump on my roof. I hope this year Dasher slips in his own feces and falls the 10 feet to the ground, rendering him unable to perform his duties in years to come. Dasher can lick my goodies, because I’m just plain sick of his attitude and want him to die.

Dancer couldn’t make it as an erotic pole performer and after his third strike, spent 12 years in prison for armed robbery. After establishing himself as a mid-level mob boss in the penal system, Dancer was released on good behavior. The fact that every year immediately following Christmas, at least one or two things in my house goes missing leads me to believe that Dancer’s life of crime isn’t over. What a prick.

Prancer. Do I really have to say more? This limp-wristed deer can’t be positioned behind Cupid anymore because of his love for Cupid’s backside, and the controversial Ass Lick of 2002. This sick bastard never learned appropriate social interaction, and ended up on the menu for two Scandinavian hunters back in 1942. He was rescued by the fat man in red, to form his sexual deviancy to the purpose of sneaking into every house in the world. Prancer loves making his way to San Francisco, and is often greeted with open arms and opener asses. Gross.

Vixen is the only female reindeer. Vixen is a whore.

Comet was once a great Olympic sprinter, until his fall from grace many years ago. He was found to be doping, and the steroids have given him horrible back acne, shrunk his testicles to the size of jelly beans, and given him an incredible temper. Comet was the reindeer who gave Rudolf his red nose, after a bar fight, when Comet smashed a pool cue across the most famous reindeer’s face over a dispute over who got to bang Vixen first. I’ll say it again: Vixen is a whore.

Cupid is the former dictator of a small country in Africa. Convicted of 7,252 separate counts of various war crimes including genocide, rape, and public masturbation, Cupid’s checkered past kept him from getting a job for many years after he was forcibly removed from his position in a military coup. Again, Santa’s mental manipulation brought Cupid into the fold, and he earned his position pulling the sled in a death match with his predecessor, Olive the reindeer. Cupid is easily the most feared reindeer, known for his love of knives and blood. Cupid is a douche, and he had better watch his back, because Donner and Blitzen are fed up with his $#!t.

Donner (or Donder-who effing cares) and Blitzen are two twins who were a huge inspiration for the Menendez brothers. They killed their mother during childbirth by gnawing through her spine on their way out, and their father joined her in death soon after. These sociopathic caribou have no respect for modern laws or societal norms, and have a running feud with Cupid. Donner and Blitzen are wanted for murder in 43 states and have escaped from 12 separate prisons because these effers can fly.

As for “the most Famous Reindeer of All”, Rudolf, he has been known to creepily watch your children while they sleep, and lick their ears. Although he hasn’t progressed to full-on sickness, last year he had to be forcibly restrained by Buddy the Elf from the bad touch. I hate Rudolf the soon-to-be child molester. Santa’s reindeer, you really piss me off.

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NBA Orlando Summer League Day 2

By: Biscuit | July 8th, 2009 | Category: Sports

The NBA Summer League in Orlando Florida concluded day two of action yesterday. Several local player’s got some PT and made contributions as did many of the top picks in this year’s NBA draft. Here is how the action played out yesterday.

Utah 83, NJ/PHI 68
T. Williams (NJ/PHI)- 25min, 8pts (3-11, 0-3 3’s, 2-2FT), 6reb (6def, 0 Off), 2Asst, 1St, 4TO, 1BS
Dionte Christmas (NJ/PHI)- 22min, 7pts (3-8, 1-4 3’s), 3reb, 1st, 3to’s
Eric Maynor (Utah)- 26min, 12pts (2-9, 1-3 3’s, 7-7Ft’s), 5reb, 4ast, 1st, 2to’s

Orlando 85, Boston 82
Ryan Anderson (Orl)- 35min, 33pts (11-15, 2-2 3’s, 9-9ft’s), 14rebs (7off, 7def), 1asst, 1st, 4to’s
Koby Carl (Bos)- 32 min, 18pts (5-9, 2-3 3’s, 6-11ft’s), 5reb, 2asst, 3st, 4to’s
Chris Lofton (Bos)- 4min, 3pts (1-2, 1-2 3’s)

Indiana 91, Oklahoma City 88
Tyler Hansbrough (IND)- 25min, 23pts (6-10, 2-2 3’s, 9-10ft’s), 4reb (2def, 2off), 3asst, 4to’s
DJ White (OKC)- 31min, 8pts (3-11, 2-4ft’s), 3reb (2off, 1def), 1asst, 1to, 1bs
Robert Vaden (OKC)- 15min, 8pts (3-4, 1-2 3’s, 1-2ft’s), 1reb, 1asst, 2st, 1to
BJ Mullens (OKC)- 9min, 7pts (3-6, 1-2ft), 2reb
James Harden (OKC)- 37min, 19pts (6-13, 2-6 3’s, 5-7ft’s), 5reb, 3asst, 1st, 1to

In other basketball news, the United States remained unbeaten in the FIBA 19U World Championships with a 79-74 victory over previously unbeaten Croatia. Tyshawn Taylor (Kansas) led the way with 13 points and Darius Miller finished with 10 points (5-of-7 shooting), three rebounds, three steals and two blocks.

The U.S. will face Canada in the quarterfinals on Friday.

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Williams, Clark Lottery Picks; Meeks Goes 41st; Christmas Undrafted???

By: Carl H | June 26th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Somehow, someway all sixty selections went by in last night’s NBA draft without one team handing over an envelope that contained the name of 2008-2009 Straitpinkie Naismith Player of the Year candidate Dionte “Floyd” Christmas.

Christmas is understandably upset about it:

It’s a pretty safe bet that Christmas will sign with some team as a free agent. If nothing else, he can put the ball in the basket from long range, which is always a valuable asset. And this way, it could even work out to his advantage, since he might be able to choose the situation that looks to be the best fit.

“It’s disappointing,” said Christmas, who was watching from his home. “My dad is real upset. But I’ve been an underdog my whole life. People weren’t expecting me to do what I’ve done thus far. I’ve put it in God’s hands right now. Some team is going to want me. And I’m going to give them everything I’ve got. Nothing less.

“I wanted to hear my name called. My family wanted to hear my name called. If that would have happened, it would have been a blessing. I’m upset. I’m going to lay low for a little bit. Then I’m going to get back to work to show everybody that I belong. I’ve definitely got a chip on my shoulder. That’s [my motivation].”

That’s right Floyd, you will hear your name called. Especially if you sign with the Pacers and the Straitpinkie squad is able to make it up for a couple games…. FA-FA-FA-FA FLOOOYD CHRISTMAS!!!! You will soon etch your name into NBA lore as one of the greatest players ever to go undrafted; joining Keleena Azibuke, Udonis Haslem, Jose Calderon, Brad Miller and Ben Wallace among others. Check out the Hoop Doctors Top Ten Undrafted Players Ever HERE.
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University of Louisville Cardinals Terrence Williams and Earl Clark became the school’s first pair of NBA lottery picks in the same draft on Thursday night. Williams went 11th to the New Jersey Nets and will play alongside newly acquired Courtney Lee, a Western Kentucky product. Clark was selected with the 14th and final lotto pick by Steve Kerr and the Phoenix Suns.

Williams and Clark become the third UofL tandem taken in the first round, following Pervis Ellison (1) and Kenny Payne (19) in 1989 and Cliff Rozier (16) and Greg Minor (25) in 1994. Louisville has now had 63 players selected.

Kentucky’s Jodie Meeks went in the second round, the 41st pick overall, to the Milwaukee Bucks. Meeks became the 92nd UK player drafted, the 16th since 1993.

For a complete list of the 2009 NBA Draft results, just click HERE.

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Christmas, You Will Be Missed

By: Carl H | March 20th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Dionte “Floyd” Christmas did all he could do. Floyd shot 8-for-16 from the field, 8-of-10 from the charity stripe, and hit 5-of-11 from deep. That was good for 29 points to go with 3 boards and an assist in what winds up being the last game of Dionte’s college career. Arizona State eliminated the 11th-seeded Owls 66-57, despite outshooting the Sun Devils 51-39. Temple was NOT helped by Semaj Inge’s 0-for-10 performance…horrid.

Don’t worry, Floyd will be in the Association next year, and the Pinkie will keep you up to date on how he is doing. But for now it’s the end of an era… sadly.

See you on draft day Floyd...

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Christmas in March! Owls goin’ Dancin’!

By: Carl H | March 14th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Dionte “Floyd” Christmas and the Temple Owls defeated Duquesne 69 – 64 to earn their second strait trip to the NCAA Tournament. Floyd poured in 29 points en route to his second strait A-10 Tournament MOP award. He is now, along with Harper Williams of UMass, the only players to ever accomplish that feat.

Naismith Watch: 19.1 ppg, 5.9 rpg, 3.0 apg, 1.5 spg, 41.4 FG%, 75.0 FT%, 34.5 3pt%

Temple real-time RPI: IRRELEVANT… CHRISTMAS IS IN THE DANCE!!!!!!!!!

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Christmas, Defense lead Temple past Xavier – into A-10 Finals

By: Carl H | March 14th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Fa-fa-fa-fa-FLOYD CHRISTMAS!!!! Dionte “Floyd” Christmas rebounded from the worst game of his career in the Owls A-10 Tourney opener to lead all scorers with 20 points. Christmas also added two boards, three assists and four steals. Temple held the Musketeers to season lows in points and field-goal percentage in a 55-53 victory that gave the fourth-seeded Owls (21-11) a chance to become the first team to repeat as conference tournament champions since they did it in 2000-01. They will now face Duquesne for the automatic bid to the Big Dance. I believe Temple should already have their ticket punched, but a win of course will render my beliefs meaningless.

Naismith Watch: 18.9 ppg, 5.9 rpg, 3.0 apg, 1.5 spg, 41.1 FG%, 75.2 FT%, 34.3 3pt%

Temple real-time RPI: 39 SOS: 52

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Floyd Flounders, Owls Still Win

By: Carl H | March 12th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Dionte Christmas had quite possibly the worst game of his collegiate career in Temple’s A-10 Tourney opener. Floyd shot just 1-of-10 (0-for-3 from deep) but did connect on 5-of-5 charity shots for 7 points to go with his three rebounds, four assists, two steals and five turnovers. Four other Owls hit double digits though and Temple (now 20-11) advanced easily, 79-65 over St. Joseph’s. The Owls will now play Xavier in the A-10 semis in a game they more than likely need to win to make the Dance. (Though they are playing Xavier on a neutral floor, so their RPI will prolly go up five or 10 spots…)

Naismith Watch: 18.8 ppg, 6.0 rpg, 3.0 apg, 1.4 spg, 40.9 FG%, 75.9 FT%, 34.3 3pt%

Temple real-time RPI: 40 SOS: 48

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Christmas Struggles, Owls Still Win

By: Carl H | March 7th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Dionte “Floyd” Christmas shot just 3-of-15 from the field, 3-of-11 from downtown on his way to 9pts, 6reb, 2ast and 1stl. Temple is now 19-11 (11-5 in A-10) and will finish the regular season in a 2nd place tie with Dayton and Rhode Island. The Owls have earned a first round bye and will open postseason play on Thursday March 12th at 2:30pm.

The Only Way To Stop Him...

Naismith Watch: 19.2 ppg, 6.1 rpg, 2.9 apg, 1.4 spg, 41.6 FG%, 75.0 FT%, 34.7 3pt%

Temple real-time RPI: 41 SOS: 42

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Floyd Gets Temple Back On Track

By: Carl H | March 5th, 2009 | Category: Sports

Dionte Christmas scored 23 points, grabbed 8 boards, dished out 3 assists, had a steal and a block as Temple defeated St. Joseph’s 68-59 at the Liacouras Center. The Owls are now 18-11 and 10-5 in A-10 play and will finish the regular season Saturday night at George Washington.

Naismith Watch: 19.6 ppg, 6.1 rpg, 3.0 apg, 1.4 spg, 42.3 FG%, 75.0 FT%, 35.0 3pt%

Temple real-time RPI: 42 SOS: 42

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Temple Drops Second Strait at Dayton

By: Carl H | February 28th, 2009 | Category: Sports

A furious flurry of threes by Dionte “Floyd” Christmas couldn’t save Temple’s postseason hopes from being dealt another crushing blow. This time the Flyers of Dayton built a lead and held on to win 70-65 by making six free throws over the last 41 seconds to counter Floyd’s two 3-pointers. Christmas finished with 20 points on 7-of-16 shooting (5-of-12 beyond the arc) to go with 1 board and 3 assists versus 0 turnovers. Temple is now 17-11 and 9-5 in A-10 play.