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What will Mel Kiper and Todd McShay do after the Draft?

With the NFL draft kicking off Thursday night, Mel Kiper and Todd McShay have both been all over the airwaves in recent weeks, acting as if their opinion has some bearing on what NFL GMs will do when they get on the clock.

As soon as the draft is complete, both “gurus” will start the ridiculously premature act of grading teams and establishing the draft’s winners and losers. Kudos to both of these men for getting rich running their suck about something they have no experience actually doing, but what are they up to once June or July hits? Here are a few ideas for each during their ‘offseason.’

You better hope this man doesn't think you drafted a second-tier player in the first round.

Mel Kiper

Hair Model

You can’t find a bouffant like Mel’s just anywhere, so why not try and grab an endorsement deal with Vidal Sasoon? Kiper spends just as much time in front of the studio mirrors in his bathroom as he does breaking down game tape of that potential sleeper pick from Colorado State Tech A&M, so why not make some cash off the stuff?

Bill Polian’s caddy

If you don’t know about the rivalry between the former Colts’ GM Bill Polian and Mel Kiper, you should watch this YouTube clip. Polian layed into Kiper after Mel made one of his patented snoody remarks about some of the Colts’ picks. Kiper could hold Polian’s clubs on the links, and, perhaps,  shine his championship rings.

Todd McShay still gets carded when he tries to buy spray paint.

Todd McShay


McShay probably picked up his repertoire of football terms while handing out towels to his JV team back in high school. His small stature and entusiasm make him an ideal candidate to continue these duties on the sideline as an official jock sniffer.

Kids’ Clothing Spokesman

Just like fashionable adult clothes have celebrity endorsements, we need to have the same for clothes located in the kids’ section. What better person than McShay, a well-known figure with the stature of a pre-pubescent boy? All the middle schoolers will want a pair of Express jeans once they see McShay running his mouth about edge rushers in a pair of slim fits.

Enjoy the draft.

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One Response to “What will Mel Kiper and Todd McShay do after the Draft?”

  1. Dee Hunter April 13, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Mel is wrong on Tanneyhill QB out of Texas AM as it is advantagous to run routes as a wide receiver when learning to play QB. Mel would know that if he ever played even high school football. The Az State QB and San Diego State QB will be sleepers in the draft unlike overrated Clemons from Mich State. My dad played QB @ CLEMSON. Playing WR teaches you to cut at the precise yardage. DEE HUNTER, P.E.

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