USA to Face Canada in Grudge Match for Gold Medal

Here at the Pinkie, we have given Canada and the Winter Olympics quite a bit of face time over the past few weeks. With the games winding down, we are set for a North America-only gold medal men’s hockey match between Canada and the United States on Sunday afternoon at 3:15PM. For one day, Americans can act like they care about hockey, all in pursuit of another gold medal, not to mention the hope of crushing our northern neighbors on their own tundra. Throw NAFTA out the window and get your canuck jokes ready when puck drops.

Pilgrim in an uholy land. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

With the Canadian women’s hockey team already having beat the US to take gold, then celebrating in awesome fashion, the men’s team will be trying to exact revenge for the chicks.  Atonement is also in the cards to avenge the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, when the men’s Canadian team took gold from the US on our home ice.

While the US stunning Canada earlier this week in the preliminary round was nowhere near the upset from thirty years ago when we beat the commies USSR, it got the Canadians in an uproar and gave the Americans another sport to rally behind. US goalie Ryan Miller, who has been an international stonewall throughout the tournament, stopped 42 of Canada’s 45 shots in the 5-3 shocker. Since then, the US has taken out the notoriously neutral Switzerland 2-0 in the quarters, then finished the Finnish 6-1 in the semis. I apologize for that horrible pun.

Beating the Canadians twice at their country’s most beloved sport will be a tall order. Regardless of outcome, the US still holds a comfortable lead in the medal count over its closest competitors, Germany and Norway. This means we can continue to be arrogant assholes to the rest of the world, simply extending our middle finger in the general direction of anyone who may have a problem with us.