Not even the rap sheets of these two teams can hide the hideous orange of Neyland Stadium.

In light of the off-season shenanigans that have plagued the football programs of both the Tennessee Volunteers and the Oregon Ducks, it is ironic that the two will match up on Saturday, September 11th in Knoxville. Due to the thievery, brawls, and overall antics that have dominated the headlines in Euegene and Rocky Top, it is believed that federal agents and local pigs from all branches of law enforcement will most likely be stationed on the sidelines of both teams.

This is the dude who got beat down by members of the Vols' football team. (picture and linked article by Chris Low, ESPN)

In order to counteract the Vols’ weapon of choice, the bar stool, the bacon will be packing some ruthless items, such as tasers and handguns. The poor sap who got beat down at Bar Knoxville this past week, as well as his bouncer friends, will also be hanging out beside the UT tunnel in hopes of exacting revenge on the crew of players who did their best royal rumble impression.

To combat the rowdy green and gold quack attack, officers of the law will probably carry batons and handcuffs to thwart the multiple Oregon players who have been charged with assault this offseason. Reebok shoes will also be used to dissuade Nike tycoon Phil Knight from running to his players’ rescue. The geeky frat boy who got his laptop stolen by ex-Ducks QB Jeremiah Masoli, along with the Boise State player who got dropped by LaGarrette Blount in last year’s season opener, are also rumored to be on-hand, prompting more Knoxville cops than usual to be posted up at the stadium. No word yet on how this will affect the moonshine industry for this particular weekend.

While this game will attract plenty of funny stories and jokes (most probably more humorous than this post), the contest will probably one of the better matchups of college football’s second weekend. It is scheduled for a 7PM kickoff from Neyland stadium. Oregon is coming off a 10-3, Pac-10 title season and a berth in the Rose Bowl, while the Vols are back after an up-and-down 7-6 campaign that saw victories over Georgia and South Carolina, and a narrow defeat to Alabama in Tuscaloosa.