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Strait Eight: Worst MLB Futuristic Uniforms

In 1999, 20 MLB teams sported these super-short-sleeved, futuristic jerseys inspired by the Mariners original “Turn Ahead the Clock” promotion in a 1998 game with the Royals at the Kingdome. The Pinkie will now take a look at the worst eight.

(Keep in mind that these uniforms are essentially all pretty awful. The gap from No. 8 to No. 1 in complete awfulness is slimmer than Barry Bonds when he came up with the Pirates.)

8. San Francisco Giants – 7/21/99

Speaking of Barry Bonds, he kicks off our countdown in the No. 8 slot with the Giants and their slanted jumbo SF logo. Bonds went 1-for-3 with two strikeouts, but the Giants pounded the Padres, 10-2.

7. Cleveland Indians – 9/10/99

Jim Thome helps the Indians to the No. 7 spot with a signature futuristic crotch grab. Thome was obviously concerned about his appearance and went 0-for-4 with the hitter’s dreaded hat-trick.

6. Colorado Rockies – 8/18/99

Don’t Larry Walker and Vinny Castilla just look pissed they have to wear those things? Walker took out his frustration on the equally-pissed-off John Rocker with a 3-run walk-off home run to lift the Rockies over the Braves. It was Walker’s second home run of the day.

5. Pittsburgh Pirates – 7/27/99

Kris Benson and Al Martin didn’t appear to be startled by the giant snarling pirate heads on their chests. Martin smacked two home runs off Mets starter Orel Hershiser and Kris Benson tossed a complete game to earn the victory during their TATC contest.

4. Arizona Diamondbacks – 9/11/99

Greg Swindell and Steve Finley are miraculously able to breathe and celebrate their victory over the Phillies as their torsos are apparently squeezed by rattlesnakes. (Note: Rattlesnakes actually subdue prey via a venomous bite, not constriction.)

3. Kansas City Royals – 7/18/98

The Royals’ hideousness is modeled here in the original TATC night in 1998 by a pre-caveman Johnny Damon and Jeff King with a pornstache only Corky Miller isn’t jealous of.

2. Mercury Mets – 7/27/99

The move from Queens to the planet Mercury was not good for the Bulldog as Orel Hershiser took the loss against the Pirates. He was unable to adjust to the change in gravity, walking five hitters.

1. Seattle Mariners – 7/18/98

A maroon and vomit color scheme were more than enough for the Pinkie to send the TATC-creators, the Seattle Mariners, right to the bottom of the list. The threads are modeled here by Ken Griffey, a pre-steroid Alex Rodriguez, Louisville native Jay Buhner, “Sweet” Lou Piniella and a host of Mariners in the dugout.

Dates and statistics provided by baseball-reference.com.

8 Responses to “Strait Eight: Worst MLB Futuristic Uniforms”

  1. Kevin May 28, 2011 at 6:19 am #

    I dont know about everyone else but i actualy like the uniforms. At least some of them. Especially the Seattle Mariner’s.

  2. Frank May 28, 2011 at 6:44 am #

    Yes some of these are a little weird epecially the pirates uniforms. They look like something the kids would wear. Go Phillies!

  3. Jensen May 28, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    hahaha! I remember going to that particular game waaaaaay back in the day. I used to have one of those future mariners hats!

  4. steroizi November 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    Normally I don’t read article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, very great article.

  5. Blue March 8, 2012 at 6:49 am #

    I never thought there was anything particularly wrong with any of these. They would great, for fan shirts. Not as team uniforms yes.

  6. John A. March 26, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    Ken Griffey Jr. could literally make any ugly jersey look good.

  7. JB March 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm #

    I actually agree with blue, some of them were nice, but especially as fan t-shirts. Like the pirate head actually looks pretty cool, now that those big logo t-shirts are getting popular again, these would look sick imo except for the mercury mets, Phillies, and Royals (as a phils fan I thought ours looked really stupid, a “turbo charged” logo so unoriginal). I for some odd reason like the Diamondbacks one but the rockies and indians might be pushing it.

  8. Mike February 24, 2015 at 2:19 pm #

    I was reminiscing in my head about those uniforms because I LOVED the Mariners’ look. Keep in mind these uniforms were probably designed in a short period of time unlike official uniforms. But I LOVED those uniforms and wish they would bring them back again. Honestly, if the Mariners tweaked the colors a bit, they would be very close to being uniforms I would like to see as official ones. But then again I am also the only person on the planet that actually enjoyed the Seahawks alternate neon green uniforms. (Enjoyed, did not “love”)

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