In 1999, 20 MLB teams sported these super-short-sleeved, futuristic jerseys inspired by the Mariners original “Turn Ahead the Clock” promotion in a 1998 game with the Royals at the Kingdome. The Pinkie will now take a look at the worst eight.
(Keep in mind that these uniforms are essentially all pretty awful. The gap from No. 8 to No. 1 in complete awfulness is slimmer than Barry Bonds when he came up with the Pirates.)
8. San Francisco Giants – 7/21/99
Speaking of Barry Bonds, he kicks off our countdown in the No. 8 slot with the Giants and their slanted jumbo SF logo. Bonds went 1-for-3 with two strikeouts, but the Giants pounded the Padres, 10-2.
7. Cleveland Indians – 9/10/99
Jim Thome helps the Indians to the No. 7 spot with a signature futuristic crotch grab. Thome was obviously concerned about his appearance and went 0-for-4 with the hitter’s dreaded hat-trick.
6. Colorado Rockies – 8/18/99
Don’t Larry Walker and Vinny Castilla just look pissed they have to wear those things? Walker took out his frustration on the equally-pissed-off John Rocker with a 3-run walk-off home run to lift the Rockies over the Braves. It was Walker’s second home run of the day.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates – 7/27/99
Kris Benson and Al Martin didn’t appear to be startled by the giant snarling pirate heads on their chests. Martin smacked two home runs off Mets starter Orel Hershiser and Kris Benson tossed a complete game to earn the victory during their TATC contest.
4. Arizona Diamondbacks – 9/11/99
Greg Swindell and Steve Finley are miraculously able to breathe and celebrate their victory over the Phillies as their torsos are apparently squeezed by rattlesnakes. (Note: Rattlesnakes actually subdue prey via a venomous bite, not constriction.)
3. Kansas City Royals – 7/18/98
The Royals’ hideousness is modeled here in the original TATC night in 1998 by a pre-caveman Johnny Damon and Jeff King with a pornstache only Corky Miller isn’t jealous of.
2. Mercury Mets – 7/27/99
The move from Queens to the planet Mercury was not good for the Bulldog as Orel Hershiser took the loss against the Pirates. He was unable to adjust to the change in gravity, walking five hitters.
1. Seattle Mariners – 7/18/98
A maroon and vomit color scheme were more than enough for the Pinkie to send the TATC-creators, the Seattle Mariners, right to the bottom of the list. The threads are modeled here by Ken Griffey, a pre-steroid Alex Rodriguez, Louisville native Jay Buhner, “Sweet” Lou Piniella and a host of Mariners in the dugout.
Dates and statistics provided by baseball-reference.com.