Quotes That Mean Your Coach is Going to Jump Ship

Will Jim Harbaugh bolt Stanford for his alma mater, Michigan?

We are finally getting into one of the darker periods of the college football season, when coaches are courted for different jobs like a hot blonde on prom night. You would think in a profession seemingly dominated by masculine men, flirting and overtures would do nothing to coerce an individual to switch jobs.

This doesn’t seem to be the case, however, as the aura of prestigious programs and loaded salaries make coaches promiscuous in today’s college football landscape. If you root for a team that is unable to shell out multi-million dollar deals, there’s a good chance your coach, if successful, may move on the next big thing.

There are some telltale signs, however, that may show a coach’s hand in regards to them splitting town. If you hear your coach making one of the statements listed below, you may need to soon consider robbing another unsuspecting program of one of their top men.

“I love this school and this city. I consider it a lifetime job.”
Translation: “These fans suck, and the administration sucks harder. This job is the equivalent of a Yugo, and I’m about to upgrade to a Lexus.”

“Shame on you media members for reporting these unsubstantiated claims.”
Translation: “How did you overweight, non-athletic pieces of trash find out about my people getting contacted by them? I’m going to find the narc who dimed me out and squash them.”

“I haven’t been contacted by anyone affiliated with that university.”
Translation: “A few prominent boosters have flown me into town on their private lear jets, but no contract can be put in place until after we finish this pesky season with all these loser kids.”

“I am only going to talk about our upcoming opponent.”
Translation: “Everyone in this room knows I’m on the next bus out of town. Let’s attempt to put on a charade for the players that I am still interested in winning and losing at this school.”