SAY WHAT????

A couple of days ago (they all run together when you live hammered), I had a ‘Finkle is Einhorn’ moment only I needed not to suction my face with my plunger. I’m just wonderin’ why in the world there aren’t more colleges and universities out there with a monkey as its mascot… I mean monkeys are hilarious!!! You could have Orangutans, Baboons, Gorillas, Chimpanzes, Marmosets, Spider Monkeys, Wooly Monkeys, etc. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue betwix a roaming monkey and the kiddos at every home game!! (Look how beloved the Phoenix Suns’ Gorilla is…)

Anyhow, here’s a small sample of some of the mascots out there:

Anteaters (University of California-Irvine), Antelopes (Grand Canyon University in Phoenix AND University of Nebraska-Kearney), Banana Slugs (University of California-Santa Cruz), Boll Weevils (University of Arkansas-Monticello), Camels (Campbell University in Buies Creek, North Carolina), Cobbers (Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota), Ephs (Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts), Humpback Whales (University of Alaska-Southeast), Kangaroos (Austin College in Sherman, Texas AND University of Missouri-Kansas City), Koalas (Columbia College in South Carolina), Moose (University of Maine-Augusta), Nads (Rhode Island School of Design), Wasps (Emory and Henry College in Emory, Maryland).

Seriously, you tellin’ me out in Santa Cruz they’d rather be sportin’ hoodies w/ Banana Slugs on ‘em than a Baboon?? Come on. And the Nads of Rhode Island? Really? Do they chant “Go Nads!” at every each home game?  Boll Weevils? You WANT to be named after a beetle pest who ruins cotton harvests and Mrs. Rudy’s flower gardens?  Kangaroos and Koalas?  Why not have Crocodile Dundee as your mascot!!  Ephs?  What the Eph?!?!?!  Moose?  Shouldn’t they be the UM-A Meese?!!?  And Humpback Whales?  I’d love to hear their battle cry/chants!!

I Just Don't Get It!!

Monkeys are even fierce beasts, and one of the dominant species in all the jungle. Gorillas’ only enemies are humans, and occasionally leopards, no one else dares mess with them. There’s not an animal out there than can measure up pound-for-pound to the sheer strength of a Silverback Gorilla. Wouldn’t this be a good mascot to have? Hilarious and Powerful? Entertaining and Dangerous?

Then there’s a whole slew of schools out there who don’t even have a nickname or mascot!! Like the University of Sarasota (Florida), Allen College (Waterloo, Iowa), Bastyr University (Seattle, Washington), and Sage College of Albany (New York). Again, the Bastyr Baboons? Sarasota Spider Monkeys?? Sage College of Albany Apes???

Bastyr Baboons???

The only monkey mascot I could stumble upon was the Pittsburg State University Gorillas out of Pittsburg, Kansas. And due to such they are now in my Top Six favorite institutions of learning. If any of yall know of any more schools out there repped by monkeys, please let me know…

RESPECT & RECOGNIZE!!