After getting royally fisted by FIFA and some pathetic excuse for a referee last week against Slovenia, the United States will try and advance to the knockout round of the World Cup by defeating Algeria on Wednesday at 10 AM eastern time. After falling behind 2-0 to the Slovenians in the first half, the US mounted a furious second half rally to tie the match, then seemingly took a 3-2 lead off a late corner kick.
Referee Koman Coulibaly, however, called a phantom foul on the Americans, negating the goal, and keeping the match a draw. No word yet on if Coulibaly, who never provided an explanation for his foul, is enjoying a tax-free kickback from a rival nation, or if he just has an axe to grind with the Americans. Either way, it was recently announced that he will not be refereeing any more matches once the World Cup goes to the Round of 16.
Regardless, the Americans still control their own destiny, as a victory in this one puts the Red, White, and Blue into the loser-goes-home knockout round. If the two teams play to a draw, the US would need a low-scoring draw to take place in Group C’s other matchup between Slovenia and England. Algeria, who tied England and lost to Slovenia, could still advance if they were to pull off the upset of America.
Algeria, a north African nation that won its independence from France in 1962, is actually the eleventh-largest country in the world in terms of size. This is ironic, because America’s last opponent, Slovenia, is one of the smallest countries on the planet. The country’s soccer team calls itself the Desert Foxes, and is ranked 30th in the world, according to the latest FIFA rankings.
Need some Algerian hate to chant at the top of your lungs while watching the game on Wednesday afternoon? Here a few recommendations:
- Algerian natives were conquered by the French when colonialism was at its peak in the 19th century. This means the French actually picked a fight and won. This is akin to the kid with the pocket protector taking your lunch money.
- Algeria is a member of OPEC, making this match more than a competition, but a struggle for geopolitical power. Perhaps the Americans will counter the vuvuzelas in the stadium with chants of “Drill, baby drill!”
- The country is predominantly Muslim. I will refrain from further comment in this post for fear of retaliation.
Here’s to an American victory, much to the chagrin of FIFA and its shady leaders. U-S-A!! U-S-A!!