American Idol – Louisville Auditions

Churchill Downs is the backdrop as Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and newly annointed judge and major, major YUMP! Kara DioGuardi sit down for two days to find the best Louisville and its surrounding cities have to offer.

Day 1 (Wink’s Breakdown)
Tiffany Shedd, 19 outta Cincinnati, OH
- Louisville’s auditions for American Idol start off with a bang as we are introduced to Tiffany and her peeps.  Her peeps hype up Tiffany as the next Patti Labelle. As she is introduced to judges she mentions that if she doesn’t make it to Hollywood she is gonna go to college.  One note into Mariah Carey’s “Hero” we learn that she is going to college and after she holds the “you” for an hour, well it was bad.  She begs to sing it again.  Panel ain’t having it. Simon compares her to a donkey in a race with 22 horses.  She won’t give up. She cries. Her peeps console her. She runs her lip a lil’ bit. Mom asks her to sing for the cameras.  She busts into “Hero” again as her mom hilariously sways her head back and forth.  While walking out she continues to cuss out the judges saying quote, “they are only looking for nerds and freaks.”  She’s just tellin’ the truth and this is a great start for the Ville.

Joanna Pacitti, 23 outta Philadelphia, PA
- Welp, as Joanna is putting her lil’ marathon number across her chest I am thinking uh yumpity, yump, yump, yump. Hilariousness and hot girls is really all American Idol is good for.  No one cares about good singers. Seriously. Well, the new judge recognizes Joanna from L.A. because she had previously had a record deal.  So you have an idea she is good at other things, like singing, besides the fact that she is smoking hot. She dominates Pat Benetar’s “We Belong” and takes her golden ticket for a return trip to Hollywood.  Joanna…UH YUMP!!!

Mark Mudd, 25 outta Coxs Creek, KY
- The kid is nuts. You know the kid is nuts the first second you see him and you know he is gonna portray the Kentucky stereotype to perfection. Well, Mark has an interesting story as he has already escaped death five times (lil’ buddy is basically Harry Houdini) and his great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Grandpops Dr. Samuel Mudd performed surgery on John Wilkes Booth to fix his broken leg from jumping from the balcony.  Dr. Mudd received 10 years for performing the surgery and from that point on people said, “Your name is Mudd”.  Well, man rolls into audition room with his UK phone holder and his eagle old-western tie and sings some George Jones.  Needless to say he sucks.  Paula tries to be nice and says he needs to try another competition.  Simon says “What Wheel of Fortune?”.  They dismiss him without a ticket.  On his way out he tells them to be careful.  Paula freaks out cuz of her recent dealings with stalkers.  He eventually leaves.

Brent Keith Smith, 28 outta Blanchester, OH
- Paula wants to do Brent immediately.  He sings some Bad Company and gets his ticket.  Seriously, the good singers are no fun. Why would you watch this when the competition begins for real?

Irene Angueloba, 28 outta Moorestown, TN
- Yes, back to the suckwods.  Irene is 50 and sucks.  She tries to sing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”. Dorothy and Toto both probably tried to kill themselves after hearing this rendition.

Obianuju Omwurah, 19 outta Mocksville, NC
- If you watch Scrubs on an annual basis, just think squeaky voice trying to sing an entire song.  There is no way this girl was trying for real.  I hate the fakers.  If you are gonna suck, suck legitimately.

Ryan Benningfield, 23 outta Louisville, KY
- Think KISS and NWO combined.  I mean seriously lil’ buddy, what is your life?  Why are you doing this on national television.  Are you in this dire need of attention.  I mean what are you wearing? You have a fohawk.  You painted your entire face ala Gene Simmons.  You have plastic white shades on.  And you are rollin’ a skunk scarf.  You are wasting our time.  Please don’t kill me.

Patrick Warner, 28 outta Columbus, OH
- Now this is what I’m talking about.  People might clown Big Pat’s performance a lil’ bit but he killed it for a big dude.  I mean his singing..uh not that great.  All the man did was talk-sing “Billy Jean”.  But, he had moves and definitely knows how to make it jiggle.  And the fit.  It was a perfect fit.  A white T-Shirt with his name on it.  Just PATRICK in all caps.  We could sell those on the Pinkie, no doubt.  And you can’t forget the top hat.  The top hat was a nice addition.  Especially, considering the guy who went like two performances before him, what the grandson of the surgeon of the guy who assasinated Abraham Lincoln.  Anyways, Pat knows what he is doing.  All big dudes need to do something to get recognized.  Once they get recognized the ladies love them.  Big Pat will get some bashin’ action cuz of his performance on Idol.  Mark it down.

Matt Giraud, 23 outta Kalamazoo, MI
- Once again, not funny just cuz he was good.  And he can tickle the ivory.  I would love to be able to play the piano.  I would serenade the pants off some ladies if I could.  Anyways, the dueling piano man gets his golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and gets to spend the weekend with his lazy ass grandpops who just chills in bed constantly until his grandson wins a ticket and he mooches off of him and quickly proves that he can be active and move around and that he is just being lazy and making grandma do all of his work.

Ross Plavsic, 26 outta Crestview Hills, KY
- Once again what the Idol is all about.  Ross is a real human life who honestly believes he has a chance.  First off the genius spends the first ten minutes explaining his study that has something to do with chinese characters and making it easier to interpret them.  Who knows? He then proceeds to tell America that he has spent the last few months watching YouTube and reading books in an attempt to learn how to sing.  Seriously, the man researched how to sing and then put it to action.  Envision, him sitting at home watching YouTube and practicing what he sees on his computer screen. ”Do rae me fa so la te da, do rae me fa so la te da.” Seconds before he gets in the audition room he starts complaining about a scratchy throat which is due to the hot, dry air. The man gets into the auditon room all spiffy in his suit and tie and performs some “Carmea” by J and the Americans. He has a really deep voice and you feel for him immediately because you quickly realize how unstoppable he would be if his throat was not scratching. I mean life can be really mean sometimes. All of those hours watching YouTube and reading books, can it really be all for naught? They ask him to sing another song. After thinking for a second, the man with like 87 collegiate degrees, can’t even think of one song in the world’s history. He complains of scratchy throat and then Paula agrees to give him a drink of water and another chance. He slurps up her entire water, ala Floyd Christmas does his slurpie in Dumb and Dumberer, and freaks her out a lil’ bit by going strait for the straw.

Anyways, he sings again and apparantly the water was not enough cuz he still sucks. They say he sounds the same and he responds with, “I didn’t think it would, once it gets screwed up like that.” Yeah, Ross those scratchy throats can be a killer. At least you can decipher the chinese alphabet in like 14 seconds.

———–halftime, bunch of golden ticket winners————————

Day 2 (Bobby E’s Breakdown)
Back at Churchill for the second day of auditions. The first half hour was impressive, and I don’t see how the contestants are going to be able to top it. Here we go…

Alexis Grace, 20 outta Memphis, TN
- A southern tart, pretty face, nice Memphis bluesy voice. I think Randy actually said something pertinent, as opposed to his usual ‘dawgs’ and ‘mans’ when he commented that he believes Alexis is going to ‘come out of her shell and surprise the world.’ Alexis and Paula say their ‘I love you”s and a moment of awkwardness ensues as Kara tells Alexis to ‘go home and make love to your fiance.’  Weird to start off with, but foremost her fiance is in Pensacola Florida doing some Army training.  Oh well, guess I’ll just have to make love to Kara to amend for this mishap….  Anyways after a couple minutes of yakkin it up they finally send her to Hollywood.

Aaron Williamson, 27 outta Louisville, KY
- Full of energy and claims he is here ‘representing Louisville to the fullest’. Aaron selects a Timmy and Scharfe favorite, Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Have You Ever Seen the Rain. I was fooled completely as I anticipated Aaron was actually gonna be good. Instead, from the first note Aaron wails like a banshee throughout the song. My favorite part of this audition is the seriousness of Aaron’s response when Randy asks him “Dawg, you always perform like that?” Aaron: “Always. I’m Hungry.” Aaron was intense, but didn’t make it.

Rebecca Garcia, 24 outta Louisville, KY
- Keith Kaiser of Fox41 news interviewed her early in the morning, and Paula recognized her from that. Rebecca walks in dressed in a nice painted-on-jeans and decorated wife-beater ensemble, complete with a Michael Jackson one hand glove and a NFL quarterback’s “Wrist Coach” on her forearm. She attempts to sing today’s Yump Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats, but the girl CANNOT sing. Up next was the most awkward moment of the show, when uber-hot Kara DioGuardi calls Rebecca out for joking due to her being voted most humorous in high school. Rebecca appears to be no less than six feet tall, and I spent most of the audition trying to figure out if I would…. I definitely would.  (Wink interferes…Hold on, Hold on.  Rebecca is a Yump?  A yump?  What, are we just handing out yumps like Edgar Sosa hands over the basketball to the opposing team?  A yump? Seriously? Wow.) (Bobby E counters…never yump’d her, just said it took me the entire audition to decide I would.  And read Rolf’s recapsulation..Edgardo had ZERO turnovers tonight…)

Then is was on to a quick foursome of some talented voices all heading to Hollywood:
Kris Allen, 23 outta Conway, AR
Felicia Barton, 26 outta Virginia Beach, VA
Ryan Johnson, 27 outta Cincinnati, OH
Shera Lawrence, 23 outta Bowling Green, KY (Shera…UH YUMP! Top 3 with Joanna and Kara)

Leneshe Young, 18 outta Cincinnati, OH
- Leneshe is a yump with an infectious smile and Randy is impressed right away by her, with a “WOW!” as soon as she walks in, and pours it on from there. Paula tells her she looks ‘very, very, very cool today’ and Randy jumps in with ‘Very colorful too!” Come on Randy, dawg, learn how to hide it my man. Leneshe sings an original tune she wrote about the 513 called ‘Nati’. After her audition Randy immediately responds with ‘I thought it was HOT! I think you could do really well in this competition. I think, you kinda what we need….” It was good, even Simon liked it, and Leneshe moved on to Hollywood. 

Leneshe was the last of 19 contestants to move on to Hollywood out of nearly 11,000 that tried.  Great job Louisville, this Louisvillian’s pride is overflowin’ from your performances….