A Few Thoughts On the John Wall Experience

My off the wall theory about John Calipari taking over the John Wall/LeBron James-led New Jersey Nets has gotten a fair amount of attention in the last day. It was talked about all day on the Cats Pause and a few other message boards, including the Memphis Roar, where it was met with hysterical laughter by Tiger fans.

Let me talk about it a bit more before I get into what I really set out to discuss. First of all, here’s the way I thought of it in the first place. I was thinking about what the ideal NBA destination for John Wall next year and the possibility of LeBron and Wall playing together crossed my mind. I was intrigued to say the least.

I then tried to conceive of every possible way the two could end up playing together. The two most likely ways I could come up with were for the Clippers and for the Nets. Both teams could easily come up with the cap room to sign LeBron and both figure to be in the lottery.

However, the Clippers are such a shoddily ran organization that I decided that there is no way they could pull of such a thing, so I crossed the Clips off the list. I focused on the Nets. Eventually, drooling over the possibility, I thought about Calipari’s relationship with LeBron, and my inkling that Cal could be thinking about coaching LeBron down the road returned. Then, my ridiculous scenario came together.

Also, I constantly remind myself of how unlikely such a scenario really is. Coaching LeBron and Wall is really the only way I can see Cal leaving UK so abruptly, so I think the Nets thing has to happen for Cal to even think about it. If the Nets finish with worst record in the NBA, they will still only have a one in four shot of winning the lottery. Then the hard part of luring Calipari and LeBron simultaneously begins. It’s tough to put a number on that, but it’s no small task.

In other words, that scenario, no matter how worrisome, is a big time long shot, so let’s get to my thoughts on the obsession of UK fans (with me at the forefront) with John Wall.

-First up, let’s talk about the John Wall dance and how absurd and hilarious it is that it’s become so big. It started as some little move that John Wall probably put about five minutes of thought into before he was introduced at Big Blue Madness. We as UK fans are so fascinated by Wall that we have given the dance a life of its own. I find this amazing.

Also, doesn’t Dorrough’s “Ice Cream Paint Job” have to shattering hip hop record sales records in the state of Kentucky among middle aged people?

-I’d like to introduce an ailment that I am currently suffering from, and I think it probably applies to a lot of you. It’s called John Wall Tourette’s.

I have to give credit where credit is due on this one, a coworker who is a big sports fan, but not a big UK or UofL fan, has suffered over the past few months because all I ever want to talk about is John Wall. It’s gotten to the point where I really can’t help it. It’s gotten to the point where I would almost call it a tic. There are times where I stop a conversation or an email thread dead in its tracks and just say “JOHN WALL”. It’s involuntary. I think I need help.

-Last, is it just me, or does it feel like this season has turned into a ten game long feeling of deja vu? Mind you, it’s the best feeling of deja vu I’ve ever had.

I’ll explain. Games go one of two ways: (1) John Wall dominates, controls the action throughout, and the ‘Cats win big (2) the game comes down to the stretch, but John Wall swoops in and wins the game for the ‘Cats. Then, UK fans post YouTube videos of John Wall highlights within 12 hours of the buzzer.

Also, Patrick Patterson does his thing in the same way every game, hitting high percentage looks in the post and off of offensive rebounds, mixing in a long distance shot every once in a while.

Outside of the games, we hear the exact same speech from John Calipari no matter what question he is asked, in which he says some variation of the following things: “We should be 5-5″, “This team has a will to win”, “We do dumb things”, “I love my team”. Cal really could be a politician with how he knows his talking points and hits every single one during his stump speeches.