What I Don’t Miss About College: Class

We all miss the college days don’t we? Drinking, sports, girls, friends, partying – we basically had the freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted. But if there is one thing I sure don’t miss, it is definitely attending class. I have no idea how I motivated myself to get up at 7am, 3 days a week, for an entire quarter…especially with all the different kinds of people I had to deal with in that class. I obviously paid more attention to my surroundings than the actual words coming out of my professor’s mouth, hence, this article. Here some examples of the characters students all over the country have to put up with in their everyday college classes. I feel for you.

The Loud Breather

We all have a friend, family member, or co-worker who is a loud breather. We really don’t like loud breathers, but we can’t really say anything because….well that’s just how they breathe and we can’t just tell them to stop breathing. Anyway, there’s not much worse than sitting directly beside the loud breather for a 2-hour class. I mean, how the hell does this guy not hear himself breathing extremely loud? There is now a 0% chance of me learning anything today because I cannot stop focusing on how annoying this guy’s noises are. Please close your mouth, and try to breathe in a little quieter through your nose! I wasn’t planning on stabbing anyone in the neck today with my pen, but you’re leaving me no choice.

The Question Asker

The first kind of question asker is the one who asks you everything. This person is so annoying. When’s this due? What did you get for this question? What was your score? Did you read it? Can you help me with this one? I’ll be honest, I’m probably just as confused as you are on everything, and even if I’m not, I’m probably not going to help or answer you because you are annoying me. I have said, “I don’t know” to you in response to like 90% of your questions, yet you still have something new for me every class! Please turn around, and ask the person sitting on the other side of you. Thanks.

The other kind of question asker is the one who asks the professor everything. This person also usually happens to be the question answerer as well. If the professor asks, “Are there any questions?” she always has one. If the professor asks a question, her hand always shoots in to the air before anyone else’s.  But here’s the worst part about this person. So the lecture ends and I look up at the clock to see the class will be ending about 10 minutes early. The professor then asks if anyone has any questions right before the class ends. Everyone is thinking, “No questions, lets get outta here early.” But NO! The question asker of course has like 8 questions lined up, and before you know it it’s already 5 minutes after class should have ended. NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR QUESTIONS; WE ALL JUST WANT TO LEAVE CLASS EARLY. DO YOU NOT GET THAT??!! You just ruined 15 minutes of my life, and probably my entire day. I hate you.

The Smelly Guy

You’re sitting in your seat paying attention to the professor, when suddenly a terrible stench penetrates your nostrils. No, it’s not that someone farted (even though this sucks, but we all have done it so I can’t complain), but it’s just the fact that the guy sitting next to you smells awful. He rolled out of bed, didn’t put deodorant on, didn’t take a shower, didn’t brush his teeth, and didn’t even put on clean clothes. He reeks some sort of combination of b.o. and the inside of my ten year old basketball shoes. You may not care what you look or smell like, but everyone else in the class does. There really isn’t anything you can do to avoid this the first time around, just pray he doesn’t end up taking the seat next to you.

The Guy Whose Phone Ringer Always Goes Off

This one isn’t annoying, just totally embarrassing for that person. And it happens in almost every single class. Your teacher is right in the middle of his lecture, and in the midst of the total silence, someone’s phone rings and the guy forgot to turn his ringer off. The interrupted teacher stops to give a death stare in the direction of the noise, and every single neck twists around to see who the culprit is. The best part is, the ringer is always some ridiculously embarrassing song – not just your typical ring, ring, ring. So his phone goes off and starts playing something like ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude or ‘Let me see your hips swing’ by Savage. Everyone in the class then gives a little chuckle, and starts to internally judge this person solely based on their ring tone. It’s all good family fun.

The Brown Noser

The brown-noser and the question asker usually go hand in hand, but this person takes everything a little further. Not only does she ask questions every single class, but she stays after just to ask even more questions and personally get to know the professor. I understand that doing this myself may increase my potential for a better grade, but I have more self-respect than to be anything like you. I’d rather just email the teacher when I get home, and stay as anonymous as possible because I want to be the exact opposite of you. Nobody in the class likes this person, and the thing is – they probably know that and just don’t care. That makes me dislike you even more. Quit trying to build a good rapport with the teacher, and just take the necessary steps like everyone else to ensure yourself a good grade – cheat off of your neighbor.

The Hot Girl

I think I suddenly just remembered my motivation for that 7am class. Classes suck, but if there is one thing that can keep our attendance perfect, it’s the hot girl. Every class has at least one. The first day of class – you get in there, pick a seat, and scope out the good looking girls that you are going to share the next 10 weeks with. Then, after a few classes, you start scouting out which area of the class she tends to sit in. From there, you can make the bold move of sitting next to her in attempt to become study buddies for this class. Sometimes though, you don’t have the chutzpah to make that move. So you try the sly maneuver of sitting in her usual area in between two open seats. Whenever someone walks by that’s not her, you kinda slide your stuff onto the other seats to act like they are taken. When she does come in, you make sure those seats are as open as possible and just pray that she decides to occupy one of them. At this point, your plan has worked to perfection and it’s up to you to make the next big move. Usually though, this is just too much work to do and we end up staring from afar the whole quarter completely phasing out anything the professor has taught. But, at least it’s enough to get us to attend class, right?

Category: Humor