Thing That I Simply Adore: Bowel Movements

Despite all the bad I put into my body, you’re always there to help me flush it out. Thanks for being my friend. I know we don’t always get along, like when I ate that two pound steak, and I didn’t see you for a week, or when I finished the chicken, even though it tasted funny, and you screamed at me for hours. That was my fault. I’m sorry, bowel movements.

Even when I’m having a really tough day at work, you always show up to make me feel better. Thirty minutes to an hour after lunch is over, I look forward to the quality time where it’s just you, me, and my feet, slowly going numb. You’re the one constant in my life I can count on, BM-can I call you BM? I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, which I guess is pretty accurate.

I know you used to love when I was still in diapers, and you could hang around for a while when you’d come to see me. Our relationship is different now, sure, but I still love your visits. I’m glad you like to swim, I do my best to put you in the water so gently. Sometimes, though, you surprise me when you come busting out the door with our friend, Fart. I don’t mind that you guys come see me together, just give me a heads up when you’re on your way, so you don’t have to wait in my underwear while I run home to change pants. You little sneakster, you.

Anyway, I sure am glad you come by every day, and sometimes as often as 3 or 4 times in a 24-hour period. That’s okay with me. For now though, BM, swim on back to your home and let me get some sleep. I’ve already got big plans for your visit tomorrow. We can read a book together, or at least work on setting another high score in Bejeweled on my phone. Bowel Movements, I simply adore you.