Things That I Simply Adore: Drunken Conversations

Drunk Guy 1: “Know what she said?”

Drunk Guy 2: “I dunno, ‘get your hands out of my pocket?’ She looked pretty pissed after you told her that her hair couldn’t smell more like cheese.”

Drunk Guy 1: “It was a compliment. I love cheddar. Or gouda…that’s prolly the most hilariousest cheese name. Goooooooodaaaaaaa”

Drunk Guy 2: “No way. Monterey Jack. Named after a real guy from Monterey, Michigan. Little known fact. Is that chick looking at my sweet ride?”

Drunk Guy 1: “Yeah. Staring at my balls. Wait. My balls are NOT your sweet ride. You’re gay.”

Drunk Guy 2: “YOU’RE gay. How come your mom never called me back? So hot…”

Drunk Guy 1: “She’s my step-mom, dick. My mom’s been dead for like 10 years. I thought she told you to piss off.”

Drunk Guy 2: ”That was your dad. He resents my interference. Interference. Interference. That word is so messed up. Interference…”

Drunk Guy 1: *PPPPPPPFFFFFFFT* “Hehe, I just shot that fart way down in your seat. You’ll be smelling that for at least a week. Good luck getting any tail in this butthole car.”

Drunk Guy 2: “I don’t smell anything. If I put a baby in your mom, would I be your dad or your grandpa?”

Drunk Guy 1: “You don’t smell anything ‘cause your nose is plugged with man juice. Gross. And you can’t be my grandpa, both my grandmas are dead. My mom had her ovaries taken out. No more babies.”

Drunk Guy 2: “I don’t care what she had taken out. I’m telling you what I’m putting in there. A baby. Full grown.”

Drunk Guy 1: “Babies aren’t full-grown, you homo. Pull over, I need to pee.”

Drunk Guy 2: “We’re not moving. We’ve been sitting in this parking lot for three hours. I could put a full-grown baby in your…HOLY DICK, THAT SMELLS HORRIBLE.  WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EAT?!”

Drunk Guy 1: “Told you it’d be coming out for a week. Taste the rainbow, bitch.”

Drunken conversations, you make me dumber. I simply adore you.