The Office – “Stress Relief”

Time for another hilarious recap of one the best ep’s ever for The Office last night after the Super Bowl. Lots of stuff going on in this one: we got guest appearances by Jack Black, Cloris Leachman, and two seconds of Jessica Alba, a roast by Michael Scott, Stanley’s heart attack, and a terribly awesome prank by one Dwight Shrute all wrapped up in one non-stop, action-packed, thriller!

1) Opening Scene – Strait up Awesome! Dwight decides to teach the office a lesson in emergency fire procedures by locking doors throughout the floor and blowtorching all of the handles in the process. He says, “Smoking is gonna save lives today!” He then lights a cigarette and throws it in a trash can, and waits for the chaos to occur. And boy did it ever! Oscar burns his hands and tries to escape through the ceiling unsuccessfully. Angela throws her cat up to him…unsuccessfully too. Jim tries to ram the copier through a door tearing it all to pieces. Michael, like a girl, is cussing like a sailor. Kelly thinks her life is about to end. Mayhem is breaking out in full force. Dwight, in the midst of all of this, is screaming things such as…”What’s the procedure people? Options? Options? No, you’re obviously not thinking rationally! Not a viable option!”

2) Stanley, through breathing in this smoke and stressing out about the situation, strait up falls over and passes out. Don’t worry, though…Michael Scott to the rescue! “No no no no you will not die! Stanley! Stanley you will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black Stanley!”

3) Michael’s Revelation – “Nobody should have to go to work thinking, oh this is the place that I might die today. That’s what a hospital is for. An office, is for not dying. An office is a place to… live life to the fullest. To the max. To… an office is a place where dreams come true.”

4) Stanley’s mishap causes Michael to call in a Red Cross specialist to teach his employees about CPR. However, things go of course when Michael can’t count how many times he should compress the chest cavity on the dummy. The specialist says he should remember the song “Stayin’ Alive” when doing this, and you can see the twinkle in Andy’s eyes as you just know he’s gonna blare out his harmonial voice — sure enough he does! And Kelly stands up and dances while Michael continues the compressions….

5) Dwight’s resourcefulness – Michael fails at saving the dummy’s life during CPR. Enter Dwight who has an answer for everything. “Ok, he’s dead. Anyone know what we do next?” Phyllis says we bury him. Dwight: “Wrong. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one we only have minutes to harvest.” Turns out he is an organ donor. “He is? Give me some ice in a Styrofoam bucket. [removes a hunting knife from his ankle and cuts open the dummy] We search for the organs! [digging around inside] Where’s the heart? The precious heart.”

6) Michael’s goal – “My goal is to make this office as peaceful a place for Stanley Hudson as I can. I think sounds have a lot to do with that. Here are some downloaded peaceful sounds. [plays a song off his computer] That one makes me think… of death… It’s kinda nice.”

7) Stanley received a beeper to remind him of his stress level – turns out it beeped faster when Michael gets closer to him. “I think that thing is on the fritz. Uh, Oscar, would you reach over a touch his thing? That’s what s–he said! Right, guys? Because of, gay.”

Michael’s definition – “Remember when people used to say “boss” when they were describing something really cool. Like, “those shoulder pads are really boss man.” “Look at that perm, that perm is so boss!” It’s what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang, for jerk in charge.”

9) Pre-Roast – Michael(about his roast): “I want you to take me down. Don’t hold back. I want you to really make fun of anything about me. It could be my race, could be the fact that I’m so fit, or I’m a womanizer. Fair game. Whatever. I don’t want to write your stuff for you, but I want it to be good.” Oscar: “I consider myself a good person, but I’m gonna try to make him cry!” Kevin just boyishly giggles in excitement of this event to take place: “Oh my God. Ohhh man. Ohhh my God.” Michael: “I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”

10) Let the roasting begin -

Angela: “If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott. If you ever, called the fire department because your head was stuck in the chair, you might be Michael Scott.”

Kelly: “I have made a list of people who I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a wood chipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldermort.”

Meredith: “You’re the reason I live to forget!”

Dwight: “You pathetic, short little man. You don’t have any friends or any family or and land!”

Toby stands up and starts walking to the front…Michael stops him saying, “No, no, friends only!”

Andy: “What I hate about you! You really suck as a boss. You’re the lousiest, jerkiest and you’re dumber than apple sauce. We’re stuck listening to you all day, Stanley tried to day just to get away. Well it’s true! That’s what I hate about you! That’s what I hate about you!”

Honorable Mentions…

- Dwight: “It’s very unusal for Michael not to show up for work. My guess, he’s either deeply depressed or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain.”

- Michael: “You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And our problems don’t matter to him because we’re just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. [waves to the sky] I’m okay! No I’m not.”

- Andy tearing up over the Jack Black-Cloris Leachman break up! Then he states that since he’s not a good movie critic he should be a food or art critic instead.

- Michael’s indian-style rant: “Owmn. Owmn. Everybody sit on the floor Indian-style like me. Owmn-[as Meredith sits down in front of him] my God if you’re wearing a dress please keep your knees together nobody wants to see that–owmn.”

_ Michael realizing he’s the cause of everybody’s stress levels…”So it wasn’t Dwight after all. Looks like I’m the killer. You never expect that you’re the killer. It’s a great twist. Great twist.”