SPLAIN IT! We Will Control You

Yesssssssss. Look directly into my eyes. Feel your mind turning to goo, and feel your soul rot from the sugary sweetness of our pop music. You cannot resist us.

Let our cleverly coordinated wardrobe of reds, grays, blacks and whites seep into your subconscious. Be enthralled by our strategically mussed and offbeat, yet trendy hair. We will have your total attention. Maybe you didn’t know, but we will soon release a movie. It will be number one for a reason, inferior ones-embedded messages in the screenplay urging your complete cooperation in our quest for world domination.

My brothers and I are one, and indistinguishable from each other. This is no coincidence, as we were hatched from the same egg. Our mother told us as she put us into our craft to come to your highly impressionable planet that your minds were weak and RIPE for our manipulation.

Our powers of levitation are innate, and give us yet another way to blow. your. mind. To those of you who claim our homosexuality: Rubbish! We are asexual, existing only for power, and to prolong our lives for a thousand years more by feeding on your love and emotions. Direct your love to me. Feed my need for acceptance.

You will love me and cower at my feet. I realize this is contradictory, but we are strong! WE ARE JONAS, and you will do as we ask.