SPLAIN IT!! Those Things I Love

Deeheehee! I love my collections. I collect everything, but as you can see I love my beer can collection the best. I have a fingernail collection, an empty tissue box collection, a collection of biting flies…you know, just cool stuff. I’m always adding to my collections, I just love ‘em so much. Gotta get those beer cans clean, though. I pick them up from my neighbor, Ms. Gillespie. She drinks a lot. I probably have more Schlitzes and Colt 45s than pretty much anyone I know.

I just get so excited when I get new cans, I take em right to the tub to get their washin’. I just love washing cans. No way I’d ever have dirty cans. If I just collected any old cans, I’d pretty much be just like Ms. Gillespie, but with less cats. She sure is nice, but that old lady smells like cat pee a lot. So do my cans when she gives em to me, so I wash them.

Me and my cans, we love the tub. I really like to get my cleaning brush out and just scrub, scrub, scrub. When it’s really bad, I get the cat pee smell on me, so I jump on in. Sometimes I squeeze a cat when I’m at Ms. Gillespie’s so it pees on me, just so I can be with my cans. Usually the cats scratch me.

Anytime you wanna check out my sweet collections, just let me know. You can probably just come by, make sure you tell Mom you’re here to see the cans. She’s real proud of my collections. I think she’s more proud of my cans than she is of my older brother, Wayne. He’s a doctor. Not a really good one, cause he gets sued a lot, but Mom’s really proud he keeps trying.

Welp, I gotta go, these cans aren’t gonna dry themselves, ya know!