SPLAIN IT! The Untamable Snap-fist

You wanna get blindsided neck punched? Then try and tame Snap-fist. Does it hurt to get neck punched by a 12lb monkey? Good question. No one has ever lived to tell. After this punch, dude fell over and died immediately. Snap-fist applied all his CPR knowledge to bring him back to life. Then killed him again by drowning him in his own urine, just to say he killed a man TWICE! That’s bad ass.

Just because he can’t be tamed doesn’t mean he has no friends. He has plenty. He has one million facebook friends. That’s a lot. Mainly because the one person who denied his friendship didn’t live to tell about it. He punch killed him. Through the computer. Wow! That takes a superb amount of bad assness.

Snap-fist brags about his wiener. A lot. I would too, if my wiener had a SS#. That’s BAD ASS! He has three names for his wiener, ‘Judge Hercules’, ‘Pendulum of Insanity’ and ‘Moses’ (for its ability to create miracles). He broke a cinder block in half with ‘Moses’. It didn’t hurt, it felt good. He didn’t lose his virginity. He WON it.

When Snap-fist eats corn on the cob, it DOESN’T get stuck in his teeth! Last month he won a coloring contest without using any colors. Snap-fist was born in 1942. When he birthed himself he had an ipod in his hand. He was way ahead of his time. He smokes crack, meth and weed. He’s never been high. On his Safari vacation, Snap-fist was attacked by a pregnant lioness. He yanked the cubs out of her and clubbed her to death with them. Death by swinging offspring. OUCH! That’s bad ass. And weird. Possibly the most mentally disturbing feat he has accomplished. Snap-fist has mental problems. As do I.

-disclaimer: No animals were actually harmed (at least none that didn’t deserve it, anyway).

For more from Snap-Fist, check out another not funny post “Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Monkey.”