SPLAIN IT!! So Manny Ho’s

Have I smiled today? Hell no! Smiling is for fruits and women. I did, however, kick some toddler ass at the playground when some a-hole cut me in line for my favorite slide. She should have calibrated her actions differently.

Let’s just say I don’t think she was originally intending on going down head first and snacking on some woodchips. I don’t think she was expecting my fat ass to immediately follow and use her as cushioning device, either. Her new nickname is splinters.

Mom said to apologize, even if it was an accident. I didn’t. I don’t have accidents, I make them. Plus, men don’t apologize. Dad says, God put nuts on men for a reason; to attract an immediate apology from a woman for disagreeing with them. Mom, if you want see a fairy, go watch Tinkerbell, you ain’t crackin’ these “eggs” over your fiery skillet of feminism. My name is Manny for a reason.

Manners? Naw, they ain’t for me. My older, yet weaker brother has ‘em, though. He sits in the front seat on the bus while me and my followers in the back mock him for wearing jean shorts and bringing his own lunch. Be a man Charlie; eat the Salisbury steak and mashed taters.

Do I have any friends? I did, until Rick pooted in my face. I was like “Rick, you just pooted in my face! If I get pink eye, I’m gonna drown your cat Muffin in my pool of man sweat that is leftover from me, kicking your ass”. He has not returned to my house. Muffin has not returned to his.

Yeah, I pee in the pool. Mainly for warmth. My whore-mongering mother must think it’s funny when my man bits shrink from the frigid hose water. Next time my pool water turns ‘Jeckyl’ and ‘Hyde’ into shriveled prunes, she’s gonna need an Orthodontist consult for the crooked teef she’ll be wearing. My Dad don’t bang no snaggletooth.

My mom don’t like it much when I bring my Ho’s over to bask in the glory of my blue eyes and soft milky skin. She says it sends the wrong impression to handle multiple ladies at once. Whatever, she can handle my nuts in her mouf. She also tried to argue with me about using protection and how it does feel the same. She is full of s***.

She didn’t raise no fool, but I’m ’bout to get my “raise” on, as soon as Amber and Tiffany get here. I’m ready to play some damn Marco-Polo and get my make-out on. Quick lesson on making out: Don’t lean in like a wuss and pucker up (leave the puckering to a$$holes) for a peck. Don’t be a female; head straight for open mouth so you can slosh your tongue around and dominate her weaker, inferior tongue.