SPLAIN IT!! Marge and In Charge

Marge never wanted to be popular. Good thing, too, because chubby nutjobs generally don’t thrive in the trendy crowd in high school. While Marge had always attributed her lack of friends to the media’s scathing portrayal of overweight girls, it was probably more appropriately credited to her tantrums and cat lady craziness. Still, she couldn’t help pondering why all the pretty girls were well-liked and sought after by boys. Why couldn’t she find the same success?

The other kids had reasons for disliking her. Large Marge the Party Barge, as she was hatefully known, was loco. Complete bat guano crazy. Her taste in clothes ranged from velour to velvet, since she claimed to enjoy the chafing and general sweatiness. Sweat was her best friend, and boy-oh-boy were they soul mates…

Using unpleasant odors, her eclectic style, and sometimes even her hands to push away those around her, Marge felt that she could not ever be loved. Actually, pretty much everyone wanted to hit her with a truck. Redemption, however, was not far off.

Marge lacked confidence, and the only cure was more cowbell.

Her skill on the instrument shot her to popularity when she was only seventeen. Immediately, she was a new person. Marching band brightened her day and showed her that the other freaks, geeks, and pimple-covered kids could be her friends. Spending day after day in the presence of Fartbox Jimmy, SameShirtEveryDay Sandy, and the Student Formerly Known as WhaleTooth did wonders for her self-assurance.

With a new outlook on life, Marge could once again enjoy her passions-gymnastics and dancing. She dropped much of the weight she had carried since her infancy, and gave all her velvet clothing to Goodwill. It’s still there.

In the summer between her junior and senior year, Marge was recruited by a Las Vegas talent scout. He had received her audition video, and was interested. After seeing her electric stage presence, he signed her to a lifetime contract.

With her confidence restored and her wardrobe now exclusively silks and satin, Marge started her career in Sin City. Two weeks after the opening of her “Seduce You With Deez Hips” stage performance, Marge began her worldwide tour. Loved most of all by her Japaneezing cousins, Marge spent the next 37 years performing for our Asian friends.

Seen here at the opening of her world tour in support of “Cannibals Suck”, her second quadruple platinum album, Marge continues to charm her way into our hearts, minds, and dirty midnight internet searches.