SPLAIN IT!! Beardface

Dr. Kevin Elevin didn’t need body odor or bad breath to repel the ladies. He just merely looked himself and away they ran, cringing in disgust; sometimes vomiting on the spot. He tried to fix his face by covering it in hair but that only made matters worse. He couldn’t help it though, this was the only expression his face could make.

“It’s quite disturbing, except around Halloween when ugly is expected,” a young female co-worker quoted. She added “Like Freddy Krueger, but not scary, just ugly. His face looks like it has been mutilated by an ugly stick, if the stick was in the hands of satan on meth.”

His face caused video conferencing to be banned in his workplace after five co-workers jumped out of their seventh floor window, and two went mysteriously missing. The offices were also moved to the basement and Kevin got a new office all to himself, where his looks could no longer cause psychological harm.

Side-note: Apparently his looks have actually driven his mother insane. She has been seen running around naked, wearing lipstick on her nipples, screaming “God must HATE me!”.

Most say that this phrase is directed at her son for looking like ‘sin with eyes’, but when his father Dugg was asked about her recent quote, he stated, “It’s prolly cuz her vagina smells like a Japanese whaling fleet. Either that or God hates me too”.

Thankfully, for the aforementioned reasons, this is the last known picture of the ’Worlds Ugliest Man’. After this picture was spread about the Internet, his looks alone caused the most prolific computer virus known to man, and all computers immediately exploded in fear.

Dr. Kevin Elevin reportedly joined the special forces, where he will be used as ‘a device of devastation’ against North Korea. He’s like the new A-Bomb, with a beard of regret and a side of despair. Eat up Kim, He’s comin’ for ya.