SPLAIN IT!! Nintendo! It’s A Cereal!

sorry ladies...i have plans 2nite!!

On a sunny September day in 1994, Robbie Bolcok stumbled upon a contest at his local GameStop whilst cruising for ladies at the mall and picking up some much needed new underwear.  After a couple of smooth laps walking around the mall in his crisp tight rolled jeans and bad attitude, he noticed a sign.

The sign read “WIN FREE NINTENDO GEAR”.

Robbie pursed his lips in questionable thought, shrugged his shoulders, then decided against inquiring of the contest.  See, Robbie had come to believe he would have no chance at winning due to his extreme lack of coordination and the sheer fact he had grown up being told he was a loser by his semi-pro wrestling mother Gina (pronounced j-eye-na) “The Destroyer” Bolcok.

After a few moments spent sulking, Robbie popped a quarter into the gumball machine (hoping for blue) and received his red gumball.  Furious at his life’s luck, he chomped the gumball and decided to check out the contest.

He slowly approached the store trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible and probed the sign with his eyes ala a German submarine.  After realizing all he had to do to win was fill out some personal info and drop it in a jar, his eyes widened in shock like a virgin on her wedding night.

Robbie then began to smile, not a full smile, but a half-evil smirk, as he lowered his head, pounded his fist into his hand and walked to the contest table.  Three and a half hours later he had filled out 236 entries in hopes of winning the sweet Nintendo gear.  Before leaving he was told only one entry per person.  Again infuriated he stormed out of the store where he bumped into fellow school mate and love of his life, Madison Booty.

Madison (unaware of this undying love that Robbie shared for her) fell to the floor in a crash, shopping bags flying everywhere.  Shankingly nervous and embarrassed Robbie reverted to doing what he always does when he’s scared, peed his pants and strait kicked her in the crotch…

Three days later, restraining order served, Robbie received a call from the gaming store congratulating him on winning the contest.  The only problem was that Robbie did not own a Nintendo.  Over the next year he was stuck with hundreds of dollars worth of sweet Nintendo gear and no use for it.  So in all of his wit, he fantasized his own world where he was obviously a superhero.  Armed with his “staff of flight”, “power glove of love”, “necklace of insanity”, “cape of wrath”, “belt of hilarity” ”gun of awesomeness” and “holster of pain” (not pictured: “shades of glory”) he became…

Robbie “The Rebellious” ending lives of both good and evil… because he said so!!!!!

Days later “The Rebellious” mourned the amputation of his right arm due to loss of circulation at the elbow. In his unwillingness to take responsibility for the incident, he blamed his arch nemesis, Bowser, and has vowed revenge to the death!!