Impossibilities: The Pinkie Presents the Top Ten Impossible Feats

As I sat back down at my desk, after a trip to the break room to heat up my pathetic lunch (Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie), I assertively told myself: “Just wait. Let it cool down.” A couple minutes later and several Superman breaths of cool air and in went the first bite. Chicken, a broccoli tree, a carrot and some crust. Why I didn’t take a smaller sampling? I have no idea. Prolly cuz i’m fat. Anyways, my taste buds have now been seared off for a day or two and I once again have failed in attempting the impossible.

Let's see you triumph over #1 then Mr. The Greatest!!!

Some say impossible is just a word. Some have never futilly attempted these things:

10. It is impossible to eat the aforementioned pot pie without burning your mouth. Throw in Pizza Rolls and/or Pizza Bagels here as well.

9. It is impossible to defeat the UConn women’s basketball team. Seventy-Six (76) strait victories by an average margin of something close to a thousand points a game. Their next victim will be Baylor on Easter Sunday in the Final Four. Big Whoopdy Doo Will Perdue.

We can beat you at reading too...

8. It is impossible to NOT look regardless of who you are with, who you are talking to or what you are doing.

7. It is impossible to eat just one Lays Potato Chip. Just ask Larry Legend.

6. It is impossible to drive anywhere without going at least five over the speed limit at some point in your journey. Seriously, have you ever actually attempted to drive 25 out of or into your neighborhood? It’s brutal.

5. It is impossible to NOT love the movie “Dumb and Dumber”.

4. It is impossible to effortlessly get a condom on when you bring home a girl and she actually wants to have sex with you. WHY CAN’T THEY LABEL WHICH SIDE IS THE INSIDE?!

3. It is impossible to keep your finger out of your nose in the morning to get that crusty guy who has been growing all night. Don’t judge, you know you pick morning boogers too.

2. It is impossible to turn down a free beer. It’s a frosty golden, bubbly, malted magical liquid. No further explanation needed.

1. It is impossible to understand women. No explanation necessary at all.

1A. It is impossible to NOT buy a Strait Pinkie T-Shirt. They come in red, blue and black and for only $10 they’re likely the deal of the century! BUY ONE HERE.