The three presidential debates have come and gone with both candidates spouting their standard rhetoric and buzz words. Whether it be a town hall format, or just the two guys standing at their respective podiums, both sides always claim a resounding victory for their political party. I’m here to put an end to these traditional debates with some new revolutionary ideas for the 2016 version. Using these ideas in four years, ‘Mericans will be able to make a more educated decision about the next leader of the free world.
Designated time for personal insults
Instead of having to interrupt Jim Lehrer every 30 seconds, candidates can just be allotted a few minutes to drag their opponents’ name through the mud. Voting record, making fun of the first lady, it’s all on the table during this brief free-for-all that may or may not include a ‘Yo Mama’ joke. Perhaps after this session, the candidates will limit their snarky remarks towards each other, although that seems highly unlikely.
Tell us your coolest White House story
Your vice president urinating in the West Wing? Hillary Clinton getting bombed at a fund raiser gala? Giving candidates an open mic to tell us their most memorable memoir from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue will allow them to relate to the common folks, and possibly incriminate someone from the opposing party.
Two moderators, one from each party
Rather than one moderator that just pretends to be unbiased, we can have a staunch conservative and a unashamed liberal asking questions to the candidate that is fundamentally different than them. The exchanges between Rush Limbaugh and Barack Obama would be comical, and likewise for a Mitt Romney-James Carville Q&A session.
Listing your largest donors and what they do
This would be a great question for the moderators talked about above to ask. Something tells me candidates would be squirming with having to answer questions about their connections to some of the people who funnel millions into their campaigns. Agendas and blurry rhetoric would become all the more clearer when knowing which pharmaceutical CEO was in bed with whom.
Close it out with ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match
Much like the old WWF matches, just let the two candidates get in the figurative ring, with the loser being forced out of the campaign, never to return to politics. If you thought the debate was spirited before, just wait until their careers are on the line. A panel of judges could make the decision of who came out of the debate on top, summoning the defeated to the jeers of the crowd and a lifetime of shame.
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