Dwarf Tossing, the Real Economic Stimulus?

As always here at the Pinkie, we strive to bring you some of the most outlandish, yet true stories we can find. Today, we have found another. There is an activity known as “Dwarf Tossing” in which patrons at a bar will launch a Velcro padded little person (dwarf, midget, whatever you want to call it) onto a Velcro wall. The team that throws the dwarf farthest, wins.

Celebrating a successful dwarf toss

The sport of dwarf tossing was very popular in the United States during the 1980s, particularly in the state of Florida. However, in 1989 Florida state law prohibited the act of dwarf tossing and any bar/establishment that allowed the act would be subject to losing its liquor license. Dwarf tossing was also popular in Canada, however with the passing of Dwarf Tossing Ban Act of 2003, the practice has essentially stopped completely.

We here at the Pinkie feel the act of dwarf tossing needs to be revived. It is a fine way for people of all shapes and sizes (literally) to bond and have a great time at local beverage establishments. Would you not frequent bars more often if you knew there would be dwarf tossing contests to view? Personally speaking, I know I would love to watch these contests at a bar in between getting shot down by the women folk.

Also, rejuvenating dwarf tossing as a much broader effect. If dwarf tossing were brought back and becomes the craze we all know it will be, people would be crowding bars nationwide. If people crowd bars, they are paying a cover and buying drinks. If people buy drinks, they are spending money, thus helping local businesses. What does that add up to my friends?

Anyone? Anyone know the answer?

It adds up to the economic stimulus the morans in Washington, DC cannot put together. It cannot be stated any clearer, enable bars to hold official dwarf tossing matches/tournaments and just watch as the economy recovers. Plus, why would you not want to wake up in the morning, open your newspaper, and find this headline waiting for you: