To balance out the rage from Things That Piss Me Off, every Thursday you can get some good old-fashioned unreasonable love. Welcome to Things That I Simply Adore. If you want rainbows and kisses, this is the place to be. If you’re a filthy hippie, there’s a good chance that you’ll also get your fix right here. Enjoy.

Beautiful Sun, you are so sweet to me. I like how your precious alpha and beta and gamma and as yet undiscovered rays warm my body. Even when I’m bad and bask in your glorious love too long, you have yet to burn my nipples. I appreciate that.

Thanks for being the best star ever, Sun. I heard some jerk say that Alpha Centauri is probably the best star in the galaxy, so I waited for him to get out of preschool and I beat his ass. Don’t go disrespecting my flaming ball of gases, Timmy. And you’ll stay down there, if you know what’s good for you!

I want to dance on your gorgeous, glowing surface, Sun, but we do not yet have the technology. I would also evaporate in the glory of your heat. I bet hot dogs roasted in your presence would taste better than regular crappy hot dogs.

You should come hang out with me sometime, you perfect, life-giving orb. I’ll make you brownies and Kool-Aid, if that’s what you’re into. 

You just let me know a time and place, and I’ll be there. Thanks for just being awesome.

My friends say that I’m weird and obsessed with you. I told them if lovin’ you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. I heard that in a movie somewhere. If you want to watch it, let me know, and I’ll run down to Blockbuster and find it. I love you that much. I wouldn’t even bother going to RedBox for the $1 movie. You are worth too much to me. Plus I’m scared that someone will steal my credit card number at those things.

Maybe, if you’re not busy later, we can run down to the local bar and have some beers together. If you don’t drink, though, I’ll quit right now. I don’t want some stupid thing like delicious booze to ever come between us.

You keep doing what you’re doing, Sun. I’ll orbit you until I die. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it looks like Iran might have nukes. 

If that’s true, we probably won’t be peeps for much longer. Could you maybe do me a solid and roast those crazy a-holes? I’d really like that. Plus they deserve it, and you always do the right thing. I simply adore that about you. Call me!