Oh beautiful girl, you absolutely rocked my world. I will remember this night at least until tomorrow. Your sinuous curves and satin skin made my skin crawl with delight as I massaged your body with my abnormally sweaty hands. I bet you thought I used massage oil. No such luck. Whatever your name is, I’m pretty sure I’ll carry this memory with me.

It seems like just a few short hours ago, you walked into the bar, and ran away with my heart. Actually, it’s 12:37 right now, so it technically was only a few short hours ago. My buddy, Chris, bet me $18 that there was no way I could take a hottie like you home with me. We proved him wrong together, Jessica or Jennifer or Maggie. Whatever your name is, I only remember that it is fairly generic and you thoughtlessly introduced yourself only once. I could have used at least 6 or 7 repetitions to get it down, but I forgive you for that. You mean too much to me to let a few petty things like forgetting your name, interests, and age come between our awkward, sweaty love-making.

Can I take this condom off now? I know you would never desecrate your temple, but I’m pretty sure that the burning when I pee is only because I’m so passionate. What could happen? Besides, there’s no way I’ll be able to finish with this damn pleasure-blocker on. I love you. I will tell Chris tomorrow that he had better pay up, while I recount and exaggerate your hotness, and prowess in bed to my pimply, troll friends. With any luck, you will become a mental picture in their collective spank bank. I’d do that for you. In my mind, I will also manage to convince myself that you were at least a 9, even though that hairy mole on your thigh obviously drops you down to no more than a solid 7.5.

I can’t wait until tomorrow when you’ll be gone, with any luck. You can absolutely leave your number on the dresser, but I will likely forget to call you because I’m convinced I can do better, even though you’re easily twice as hot as the last girl I banged. That was in high school. Ten years ago. On second thought, I might call you. Since I know deep down that this whole thing only happened because I lucked out and caught you in a vengeful rage minutes after breaking up with your smart, athletic boyfriend. I’m also sorry I pulled your hair when I tried to raise up on my arms to roll off of you. Random hot chick, this single time we met and I got to put my dirty in your trapper keeper makes me realize that I simply adore you.