In light of Scott Boras’ recent comments, in which he warned the Los Angeles Dodgers to not “play chicken” with Manny Ramirez, the Pinkie gives the most famous chicken of all a chance for rebuttal.  Upset over the fact that Boras only wants the Dodgers to “play human”, a discouraged and somewhat confused chicken found the strength to give his side of the story.

Straitpinkie.com is honored to present to you a Pinkie Exclusive.  A Pinkie exclusive that is for humans, chickens, giraffes or any other species that roams the earth.  Discrimination and ”words of hate” please find the door immediately.  Ladies and gents, the most famous chicken to ever cluck…the San Diego Famous Chicken.

The Pinkie: First off, we would just like to thank you for giving us an opportunity to interview you.  We are privileged that you chose the Pinkie to help set the record strait on this whole “playing chicken” fiasco.

The Pinkie: All indications, given your interactions with fans and children at the ballpark, say that you are a pretty easy-going chicken. Would you like to respond to Boras’ seemingly baseless comment that one should “watch out” when playing you?

The Chicken: I’m not a psychologist of course, I just play one at the ballpark toward umpires. But I believe this perceived notion might stem from a childhood trauma of Mr. Boras’ somehow. For me as a young dumpling for example, I had a reviled thing for circus clowns, which extends to this day toward mimes. Still, while there is nothing to “watch out” for, I kind of like the idea of being feared and intimidating, kind of like a gangsta chicken.

The Pinkie: As a member of the species gallus gallus, or gallus domesticus, how is the use of the term “chicken” in human slang offensive to you?

The Chicken: Hmmm, if I was actually smart enough to know what the term gallus domesticus is, I could address the “chicken” slang. Until then, perhaps it’s best if all those outside of our community start using the term, C-word for safety.

The Pinkie: A majority of people would agree that you are the one who is usually the player, not the playee, duping umpires, coaches, players, and groundscrew alike. Have you ever been ‘played’ by anyone?

The Chicken: Yes, years ago when he was a star catcher for the Braves, Joe Torre played a prank on me during a game. He had me suit up in his uniform to warm up the pitcher between innings. But when it was time to hand off his glove, he wasn’t around and had instead taken a new position at third base. And for years, he became an All-Star at the hot corner. He later admitted to the press that he hated being a backstop and called himself the Chicken catcher Torre. He then made an Italian dish to commemorate our occasion, Chicken Cacciatore and went on to make millions in recipe licensing fees. And I never saw a nickel of it!

The Pinkie: If so, what lessons did you learn from getting played, and what advice would you have for those out there who are trying NOT to get played?

The Chicken: The lesson learned was that only turkeys should stick their necks out that far. My advice and copyrighted motto for not getting played is, “Always lay low until you know.”

The Pinkie: Do you have large talons?

The Chicken: Oh yeah, large talons indeed. And you know what that means, of course–big McNuggets.

The Pinkie: Do you harbor any ill-will or animosity towards the Chick-Fil-A cows? Shouldn’t they be ones who are “watching out”??

The Chicken: Yes, I’m afraid the Chick-Fil-A cows have ratcheted up the rivalry between beef and fowl to an all time high by going public. But this is a new era and I’m hereby going to extend a chicken feather of friendship to request a national summit between us at a secret farm club. I plan to go in peace and hope not to leave in pieces.

The Pinkie: Why DID you cross the road????

The Chicken: To get away from a stupid question.

The Pinkie: Being THE FAMOUS Chicken, there is little doubt that your groupie following is astronomical. Is it possible this is what Boras is referring to? Some Rooster from your past who played you by seeing other chickens behind your back, and now has less of a chance of being found than Hoffa?

The Chicken: Hey wait, first of all, technically, I am a rooster. It’s hens who are the females. Chicken is just the general term you humans use for all of us. But in the spirit of your question, yep, Mr. Boras and his sources obviously may have known about my past family’s reputation. My dad ran an underground Southern California syndicate which was in cahoots with the New York families. He was known in those circles as The Godfowler and ran the numbers racket. Instead of laying eggs, he laid odds. And the word was, if you didn’t come up the scratch, you’d go down the hatch.

The Pinkie: Are you jealous of Anaheim’s hockey team?

The Chicken: I have to admit a ping of jealously in being overlooked for a team nickname in favor of ducks. But for crying out loud, would it have hurt to call the team, the Anaheim Mighty Clucks?

The Pinkie: And to settle it once and for all, what came first, you or the egg?

The Chicken: That’s an old barnyard secret and if I were to leak it, I’d be henpecked forever.

For more on the famous chicken go to his official website, famouschicken.com.