Well you see, ma’am, you can’t try to cut your husband’s throat with ANYTHING. I know you didn’t think paper could literally kill him but even so, have you ever had a paper cut?! Those things sting like crazy. And to be fair, the lady in his bed was much uglier than you. You’s a fine looking woman.

Why do you keep looking down? Ashamed of what you’ve done, huh? I get it, remorse is often the first response when we react violently to a situation. You’re not ashamed?! Then why do you keep staring at my pants?

I can’t let you go with a warning this time, Miss. Thanks for being courteous, though. My partner here thinks you were justified, but the law says differently. It’s time to go, honey.

Be strong for your kids, they’re laughing and pointing now, but I don’t think the enormity of the situation has set in. I think uncontrolled laughter might be the first stage of mourning. I’m sure once we leave, they’ll feel the feelings that hurt so much.

Officer Cavalier, please take this young lady in. No pirouetting.