Bad Start To A Day . . .

By: Carl H | March 19th, 2009 | Category: Hilariousness

This rant was emailed to us by devout Pinkie reader, Hooter. Apparently Hooter didn’t have such a good morning . . .

So this morning, as I was coming into work, I had a little incident. Here’s how it went down:

(disclaimer: the names of those involved have been changed to protect their privacy)

A long time ago, in a city 20 miles away…..

Scooter woke up one brisk spring morning thinking the day was full of untapped potential. The sun was shining, the bird were twurping (mixture of tweeting and churping…..it’s a real pretty sound), there was fresh coffee waiting, and everything seemed right in the world.

Little did he know, his world was about to take a tragic turn for the worse…..

As Scooter was pouring his second and final cup of coffee and getting ready to depart, he thought to himself, “Gee, I sure am burpy this morning”, but saw no reason to let a little gas spoil this fine morning. “ERP”, he said with a chuckle, and got into his car with his steaming cup of coffee. As he was getting onto the interstate, a car swerved in front of him at the last minute before you can get on the on-ramp.

“That chucklehead”, he says quite good naturedly, “he almost made me spill my coffee. When will they ever learn to get in the turn lane with everyone else”? Suddenly, as Scooter merged onto the interstate, disaster struck!

“ERP” he said again, only this time, he had to cough at the exact climax of his burp. Looking back, there was nothing he could do. This burp was a little gurgley, and with the added pressure of a cough behind it, it turned into a little thing known as Ralph in the Mouth.

Scooter quickly manned up and swallowed the residue, and fortunately, there was still some hot, delicious coffee left……unfortunately, hot coffee is not the best thing to wash down something like Ralph in the Mouth. It turns out that both liquids are quite bitter and acidic, and coupled with the fact that the coffee was still quite hot, suddenly Scooter’s morning wasn’t turning out the way he had hoped.