Well, March is finally here. The month of March brings warmer weather, St. Patrick’s Day, and most importantly, the madness of the NCAA tourney. Filling out a 64 (I’m sticking with that because 68 still doesn’t seem right) team bracket is one of the most fun activities related to sports. Every single year, men and women of all ages make their selections round by round, slowly whittling down the field until they are left with one team who they believe will win the national championship.
So I decided, why not use the March Madness bracket idea and replace college basketball teams with hot women? A majority of people who fill out the brackets and pay attention to college basketball are men, and a majority of men like to argue/discuss about how attractive women are. Combing these two things into one idea was just meant to be (and I’m sure I’m not the first to do this).
I decided to find a list of the top 64 women of 2012. I ended up using askmen.com’s most desirable women of 2012 list. This way there was no bias by using my own list (because then my #1 girl would obviously win it all), and it also reflects the public’s majority opinion. One key word about this list is ‘desirable.’ This takes into account more than just looks, so I decided I had to make some sort of grading scale when comparing the opponents. Here is what it looks like:
Sex Appeal: 30%
Hotness doesn’t need to be explained. Wikipedia describes (not that we really we need it) sex appeal as, “The attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest. It refers to an individual’s ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person. The attraction may be enhanced by a person’s adornments, clothing, perfume, hair style, and anything else which can attract the sexual interest of another person.” We don’t know these women personally, but I accounted for likeability because I think it can ultimately help push some over the top. If these women are never in the news, then likeability will obviously be useless, but a lot of these women are always in the spotlight and have earned positive/negative reputations. Lastly, popularity is a small part in deciding who is more desirable. More often than not though, we’re not going to choose a no-name over a popular movie star. So, let’s get to it.
Bracket (click all for bigger size)
Biggest Blowout: Mila Kunis (4) v. Penelope Cruz (13)
Mila is quite a hot item these days. She’s young, she’s all over the tv and movie landscape, and she may or may not have had a little fling with Justin Timberlake. The bottom line here is that she is just hotter, sexier, more popular, and more likeable than Penelope Cruz. In another matchup or maybe a few years ago, Cruz may be a tough out. In this matchup however, Mila pretty much blows her out of the water.
Biggest Upset: Stacy Keibler (12) v. Emma Watson (5)I get the fact that Emma Watson plays Hermione in one of the most popular movie series ever Harry Potter, but that shouldn’t make her a 5 seed. She is a cute, young girl, and she definitely owns the innocent-simple look. However, she got caught in a terrible matchup with former WWE diva Stacy Keibler (whose name it misspelled on the bracket). Stacy wins here on her pure dominance in the hotness and sex appeal categories.
Best Matchup: Emmanuelle Chriqui (7) v. Anne Hathaway (10)
This was definitely a tough contest between these two brunette beauties. Chriqui rose to fame through her role as Sloan on HBO’s Entourage and Hathaway is one of the most famous and one of the best actresses out right now. Likeability is a split, Hathaway gets the edge in popularity, but Chriqui edges her out in hotness and sex appeal. I think Emmanuelle is just naturally prettier, and she looked unbelievable in pretty much every scene she was in from Entourage.
Biggest Blowout: Kate Beckinsale (6) v. Alyson Hanigan (11)
There really isn’t much to say about this matchup. Kate Beckinsale destroys Alyson Hanigan in hotness and sex appeal.
Biggest Upset: Eva Mendes (14) v. Candice Swanepoel (3)
It’s matchup’s like these that make me take forever to pick a winner. I mean we have one of the sexiest actresses of the last decade, up against possibly the hottest Victoria’s Secret angel…and it’s just the first round! Eva kills Candice in popularity, but Candice has the upper hand in looks. Basically, it comes down to sex appeal between these two, and for some reason Mendes gives off a bit more or a sexier vibe. This one came down to the wire, but it’s an upset nonetheless.
Best Matchup: Minka Kelly (7) v. Sara Jean Underwood (10)
For some reason, this region of the bracket is just loaded with gorgeous women. Unfortunately, that means some of them have to get knocked out early on, and that was the case for former playmate of the year Sara Jean Underwood. However, there is a reason why Minka Kelly was named Esquire Magazine’s sexiest woman of 2010. She edges Sara Jean in the looks department, and there is something sexy about not knowing what’s under her clothes as opposed to the playmate. Minka also dated (dates?) Derek Jeter, which means you’re automatically top of the line.
Biggest Blowout: Kate Middleton (3) v. Christina Ricci (14)
Kate automatically has a huge advantage because she’s a duchess and is going to be queen someday. I probably wouldn’t even have Ricci in my top 64 if I made a list, and she just doesn’t really do anything for me. I think most men find it very desirable to hook up with royalty, plus she is very good looking anyway.
Biggest Upset: Michelle Williams (16) v. Rooney Mara (1)
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first 16/1 upset in the history of March Madness! I don’t know what audience chose Rooney Mara as the 3rd most desirable woman in the world, but they were obviously smoking crack. She doesn’t even crack my top 100. However, it is what it is and she still almost snuck by because her opponent isn’t all that special as well. Michelle Williams is more popular and likeable in my opinion (considering she’s now a top actress), and she barely edges out Rooney in looks. Sorry Rooney.
Best Matchup: Amber Heard (9) v. Lara Stone (8)
These two ladies aren’t the most popular, but that doesn’t mean choosing a winner was easy. Here was my problem: I know Amber Heard and she is pretty hot. I actually had to look up Lara Stone to learn that she is the #1 fashion model in the world. Lara isn’t the prettiest model, so Amber definitely beats her in that department along with popularity (in America at least). However, I happened to come across pictures of Lara Stone without clothes on, and her body is unbelievable – hence why it made this pick so hard. In the end though, I’m sure Heard looks good naked as well though, so her advantage in hotness gets her the win.
Biggest Blowout: Blake Lively (8) v. Kristen Wiig (9)
Look, I love Kristen Wiig. I think she’s probably the funniest woman on the planet, and that makes her much more likeable than her opponent. The problem is, her opponent is askmen.com’s 2011 sexiest woman alive – Blake Lively. Therefore, Kristen stands no chance against Blake in looks or sex appeal.
Biggest Upset: Marisa Miller (14) v. Zooey Deschanel (3)
Zooey Deschanel is just a little too simple and plain for me. She’s cute, kinda funny, and I liked her in ELF, but that’s about it. Marisa Miller on the other hand is one of the hottest models in the world, appeared on the cover of the SI Swimsuit Edition, and model’s for Victoria’s Secret. Her wikipedia page says she’s considered a ‘sex symbol.’ She was also voted #1 in FHM’s “Sexiest Women in the World” poll. This really shouldn’t even be considered an upset.
Best Matchup: Brittney Palmer (10) v. Dianna Agron (7)
Another matchup of less popular ladies in this tournament. Brittney Palmer is a UFC ring girl, and recently posed in playboy. Dianna Agron is famous for her role as the cheerleader on Glee. I didn’t really know either of these women very well, but I think Dianna is a bit more popular and a bit prettier. However, as much as I love that simple, next-door-neighbor look, Brittney Palmer seems to have a big advantage in sex appeal – enough to advance her to the next round.
Summary: Brooklyn upsets the #1 overall seed in the second round based on hotness. Vergara’s international background adds a little desirability, but her looks do not keep up with the model…..The 12 seeded Kiebler slides by Kunis on a buzzer-beater. They are both super hot, but for some reason I feel Kiebler gives off a tad bit more sex appeal. I hate to see Mila go, but 12 seeds have done well recently…..Rihanna beats Natalie Portman in a matchup of the good girl vs. bad girl. When it comes to desirability, the free-spirited bad girl wins out…..The 7th seeded Chriqui upsets the 2 seed Nikki Minaj. Although Minaj gives off tons of sex appeal, the bottom line is sometimes she looks like a clown and that doesn’t compare to the naturally beautiful Chriqui.
Summary: In a battle of swimsuit models, #1 seed Kate Upton holds on for a narrow victory over Jessica Gomes. Gomes is extremely underrated, and in a different region may have made a deep run. If she hasn’t been featured on the site yet, then she needs to get on here asap…..In a few years, Gomez may mature into a 1 seed, but for right now her desirability/sex appeal cannot compare to the ultra-sexy lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls – Nicole Scherzinger…..If this tourney was only based on beauty, Kate Beckinsale would be a final four contender. Unfortunately, we have to take into account popularity and sex appeal, and these two are just barely enough for Eva Mendes to scoot by. Not that Eva isn’t hot or anything…..Minka barely won her first round matchup, but faced a much easier opponent in round two. The high school cheerleader from Friday Night Lights beats up on the non-drinking high schooler from Superbad.
Summary: The 16th seeded Michelle Williams pulled off a historic first round upset, but falters here to a prettier, sexier Amber Heard in round two…..Lea Michelle – popular, pretty, talented, but pretty plain. She can’t handle the sexy, foreign, and beautiful model Bar Rafaeli…..We have a good 3-6 matchup between Olivia Wilde and Kate Middleton. Kate is hot, popular, royal babe, but try staring into Olivia’s eyes without falling in love – not possible…..Beyonce wins a popularity contest against Scarlett Jo, but there’s a reason why Scarlett is consistently placed in top-10 sexiest lists year after year.
Summary: Another #1 seed goes down before reaching the sweet 16! Miranda Kerr is beautiful, but I feel like Blake Lively just gives off sex appeal without even trying. She’s really hot as well, and edges Miranda in popularity also…..This region is filled with great second round matchups like Rosie Huntington-Whitely against Katy Perry. Perry is one of the most popular musicians on the planet right now and her well known large mammary glands help with her desirability. However, she wears wayyy too much makeup compared to the luscious-lipped RHW who has parlayed her modeling into an acting career as well. I’ll take a model over Katy Perry any day of the week…..Another great matchup between Jessica Alba and Marissa Miller. 5 years ago, I may have gone with Alba. But Marissa Miller is just simply one of the hottest women on Earth. She wins sex appeal and hotness over Alba…..Let’s be honest, no one really likes Kim Kardashian, so she obviously gets crushed on likeability. However, she’s way more popular than her second round opponent Brittany Palmer. Palmer is a little better looking than Kim, but you have to admit that Kim’s hourglass figure + sex tape gives her a big edge in sex appeal. I’m not happy about it, but Kardashian pulls through again.
Decker (9) v. Kiebler (12) – You have no idea how long I spent on this decision. It really just came down to Kiebler exuding a tiny bit more sex appeal than Decker does. They are both extremely hot.
Rihanna (3) v. Chriqui (7) – Rihanna is not the hottest woman in this tournament, but damn, she just oozes sex appeal. Chriqui definitely has a leg up here in looks, but can’t really compete with her opponent when it comes to overall desirability.
Upton (1) v. Scherzinger (12) – Upton is the hottest thing going right now. No upset here from Nicole.
Mendes (14) v. Kelly (7) – Mendes miracle run finally comes to an end. As I said before, if this tourney was based on looks alone, she wouldn’t even have made it out of round 1. She runs into the uber-cute Minka Kelly here in the sweet 16, and her next door neighbor sex appeal gets her to the elite 8.
Heard (9) v. Rafaeli (13) – In any other region, Amber Heard probably gets knocked out in round 1 or 2. However, after getting lucky enough to get this far, she gets dominated by Israeli model Bar Rafaeli. Looks and sex appeal aren’t even a contest here.
Wilde (6) v. Scarlett Jo (2) – These two match up pretty evenly. Basically, I decided that Scarlett barely won the hotness category. Also, this picture definitely helped sway my decision.
Lively (8) v. RHW (5) – RHW may be a better model, but Blake is definitely the better actress. Blake’s also better looking and probably more popular. Blake cruises on.
Miller (14) v. Kardashian (2) – Let us all rejoice! Kardashian is like the Duke version of this tournament, so everyone is happy when she loses. Luckily, we have Marissa Miller to take her down with her far superior hotness and sexiness.
Kiebler (12) v. Rihanna (3) – Rihanna was outclassed in the looks department in her previous matchup, but still got by with her ultra-sexiness. In this matchup however, Kiebler is hotter as well, but also nearly matches Rihanna’s sex appeal. Look at this photo and tell me how she doesn’t win. Kiebler also seems to be getting more beautiful and elegant with age. I saw her at this year’s Oscar’s and she looked stunning. There’s a reason why George Clooney is banging her.
Upton (1) v. Kelly (7) – If you haven’t figured it out by now, I love both of these women. They are pretty even on looks, but Upton gets the edge because think about how much sex appeal you must have to snag the cover of the SI Swimsuit Edition. Minka is still highly underrated, and she needs to be more appreciated. I’m sad to see her go.
Rafaeli (13) v. Scarlett Jo (2) – Rafaeli just continues her rampage through this region right on to the final four. In my opinion, she is definitely the hottest in this entire region and one of the sexiest as well. Scarlett is beautiful as well, but just not quite on the same level as Bar. Is it unprecedented to have two double-digit seeds in the final four?
Lively (8) v. Miller (14) – I have two other supermodels in the final four already, so you’re probably assuming Marisa wins this matchup right? After much debating and nitpicking, I went with Blake. Honestly, the difference between these two is miniscule. Blake looks gorgeous and has a great smile in every single picture she takes, and looks fantastic in every dress she wears. It’s not a stretch for me to proclaim that I may be in love with her.
Upton (1) v. Rafaeli (13) – On this side of the bracket we have two of the top models in the world…can’t go wrong with that. Kate Upton is extremely attractive, but not the hottest woman or even the hottest model in this tournament. Rafaeli is gorgeous, so this matchup really came down to the wire. Recently, we’ve seen Kate Upton on the cover of SI Swimsuit Edition, and appearing in commercials for Carl’s Jr, MLB2k12, and SoBe. Have you ever seen a model become this mainstream before? In the end, Kate Upton is on top of the world right now, and that makes her desirability through the roof. Oh, and she also usually looks amazing in a bikini.
Kiebler (12) v. Lively (8) – Truthfully, this was the most difficult and closest matchup in the entire tournament. I didn’t even know I was that fond of Stacy Kiebler until I started checking out more and more pictures of her. But have you ever seen Blake Lively’s leaked cell phone pics? She does not disappoint at all. I’ve got a special spot in my heart for this naturally beautiful and sexy woman. Blake sneaks through to the finals on a buzzer beater over Stacy.
So I’ll leave the national championship game up to you. Vote for your most desirable woman of 2012!