There is no way!!! A phrase uttered by us all upon seeing the gigantic douchebag/ratface that a ridiculously hot girl is for some reason (see $$$ in 99.8 % of all cases) with. We have pontificated this topic several times here on the Pinkie, see our ‘This Does This – Explain It?‘ and ‘Hot and Not‘ posts. There is even an entire website dedicated to hot chicks with douchebags. That would be the cleverly named, hotchickswithdouchebags.com.
Well whilst watching former Yump Kaley Cuoco tonight on the awesome show, Chuck Lorre and CBS’ Big Bang Theory, I was once again forced to believe she was ever interested in her across the hall neighbor, Leonard aka David from Roseanne fame.
I guess it must be possible, how else could you explain this list of the Top 13 Hot Girls With Ugly Guys??
13. Beyonce + Jay-Z – Nasir Jones pretty much summed this one up with his description of the Jigga man on the diss track “Ether”:
“What you think, you getting girls now ’cause of your looks?
You no mustache having, with whiskers like a rat
Compared to Beans you wack.”
12. Julia Roberts + Lyle Lovett – David Letterman’s All-Time number one hooked up with a man actually uglier than him, which has to give him some hope. This one kind of makes sense to me, they both have horse faces.
11. Pamela Anderson + Kid Rock – Given, Pam is pretty screwed up and obviously has her type down, but for cryin’ out loud, it’s Robert James Ritchie!!!
10. Shania Twain + Mutt Lange – Shania Twain is Sssssssmokin’ hot. Mutt Lange, well his real name is Robert John Lange… the nickname “Mutt” ain’t a coincidence.
9. Marilyn Monroe + Joe DiMaggio and Arthur Miller – Possibly the greatest sex icon in American History chose two of the ugliest mofos ever as her second and third husbands, respectively. I kinda understand Joe, he was the Yankee Clipper… but big Art Miller? He was a friggin’ playwright!!
8. Olivia Wilde and Padma Lakshimi + Salman Rushdie – This one should probably be a little higher based on looks differential alone, but I gotta give some props to my man Salman. I mean (1) who the hell are you? and (2) what the hell did you do to get loaded rich/famous to be able to pull this caliber of broads?
7. Mila Kunis + Maccaulay Culkin – Kevin McCallister has somehow, someway pulled Jackie Burkhart. I just don’t understand. Here, courtesy of Wikipedia, is where Maccaulay’s career is at today: On August 17, 2009, Culkin made a brief cameo appearance on WWE RAW at the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri, following a “falls count anywhere” match between Hornswoggle and Chavo Guerrero in which Guerrero was defeated by the classic Home Alone gag of rigging a swinging paint can to hit him upon opening a door. Culkin appeared in the doorway and said, “That’s not funny.”
6. Kate Hudson + Chris Robinson – Apparently ladies love rock stars. Robinson is the lead singer of The Black Crowes and 13 years Hudson’s elder. But The Crowes did churn out the hits like “Hard To Handle” and “She Talks To Angels” on their way to selling over 20 million albums. Still these two together is a bit hard for me to handle.
5. Natalie Portman + Devendra Banhart – Uh, who??
4. Jennifer Lopez + Marc Anthony – Come on! You’re Jenny from the block. You were probably the most desirable women on the planet for two or three years strong. And this is what you settle with? Probably had something to do with some form of self punishment for the awfulness that was Gigli.
3. Adriana Lima + Marko Jaric – Adriana, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? You almost get a pass because Marko is somehow an NBA player, but other than Sam Cassell or Chris Kaman, you got the bottom of the barrel — and you’re a Victoria’s Secret SUPERMODEL!!!!!! Ugh.
2. Christina Aguilera + Jordan Bratman – This one could easily be at the top spot given the massive gap in attractiveness between the scorching Aguilera and the flickering Bratman. Maybe Christina was hammered and thought she was marrying the “Bartman” instead??
1. Heidi Klum + Seal – If you need any explanation I again refer you to our previous feature: ‘This Does This – Explain It?‘
Welp, there you have it. Feel free to disagree on the order, or the list, but I think we can all agree that THERE. IS. NO. WAY!!!!!!!