On Thursday, February 2nd, thousands of groundhog enthusiasts will gather about 65 miles north of Pittsburgh to scientifically give meteorologists around the country a glimpse into their future.

Since 1886, Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather Prophet Extraordinary has seen his shadow 99 times, hasn’t seen it 17 times, and there are no records for nine years, according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club. Last year was the first time Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow since 1999 – which meant he was supposed to leave his burrow, signifying that winter-like weather would soon end. I don’t remember if he was right. Regardless, we haven’t even had a winter this year, so if Phil don’t see his shadow, those who love the snow could be out of luck in 2012.

If Phil does see his shadow, of course then that means there will be six more weeks of winter (which currently means 60 degrees and just about perfect). Whatever.

To honor a day on which we treat a rodent like he matters, let’s take a look at some of the all time greatest rodents in cinema history.

**And there’s no Roger Rabbit on here because rabbits aren’t rodents. They are small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha.** Now you’ve been learned. Read on.

8. Templeton, Charlotte’s Web - A gluttonous rat steals the show in this story about a pig named Wilbur and his friendship with a smart spider named Charlotte (WOOOOooo!). Sheer genius by E.B. White, who wrote the novel the movie was based on.

7. Fievel Mouskewitz, An American Tail Franchise - First he’s separated from his family as they immigrate from Russia to America, then once here, he heads west for some more zany adventures.

6. Remy, Ratatouille - The kid can cook. End of story.

5. Splinter, TMNT Franchise - The leader of the lovable mutant amphibians, this rodent beast not only can outwit and outsmart you, he can kick the @#&^ out of you with his mastery of martial arts. And per his TMNT profile, his weapon of choice? “Any, or none, it matters not for a Ninja.”

4. The Chipmunks, Alvin and the Chipmunks - Songwriter Dave Seville (aka Earl) owes his career and likely his life to this trio of singing chipmunks: mischievous leader Alvin, brainy Simon, and chubby, impressionable Theodore.

3. Stuart Little, Stuart Little – I’m a bit biased on this one, but the rodent aside – this movie features a dynamite cast of Michael J. Fox, Geena Davis and a pre-House, M.D. Hugh Laurie. This is also E.B. White’s second novel-to-movie on this list. Man dominates the rodent-novel-genre.

2. Mickey Mouse, Steamboat Willie – An eight minute animated short film directed by Walt Disney and featured the debut of the most famous rodent of all-time, Mickey Mouse. What could be higher on our list you ask?

1. Gopher, Caddyshack – Carl Spackler hates this rodent, but the rest of the world loves him. Any gopher that breaks out the moves to Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Alright” has to be at the top of any list about rodents.

We leave you with the immortal words of Carl Spackler himself, “In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gopher’.”

SAY WHAT????

A couple of days ago (they all run together when you live hammered), I had a ‘Finkle is Einhorn’ moment only I needed not to suction my face with my plunger. I’m just wonderin’ why in the world there aren’t more colleges and universities out there with a monkey as its mascot… I mean monkeys are hilarious!!! You could have Orangutans, Baboons, Gorillas, Chimpanzes, Marmosets, Spider Monkeys, Wooly Monkeys, etc. Imagine the hilarity that would ensue betwix a roaming monkey and the kiddos at every home game!! (Look how beloved the Phoenix Suns’ Gorilla is…)

Anyhow, here’s a small sample of some of the mascots out there:

Anteaters (University of California-Irvine), Antelopes (Grand Canyon University in Phoenix AND University of Nebraska-Kearney), Banana Slugs (University of California-Santa Cruz), Boll Weevils (University of Arkansas-Monticello), Camels (Campbell University in Buies Creek, North Carolina), Cobbers (Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota), Ephs (Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts), Humpback Whales (University of Alaska-Southeast), Kangaroos (Austin College in Sherman, Texas AND University of Missouri-Kansas City), Koalas (Columbia College in South Carolina), Moose (University of Maine-Augusta), Nads (Rhode Island School of Design), Wasps (Emory and Henry College in Emory, Maryland).

Seriously, you tellin’ me out in Santa Cruz they’d rather be sportin’ hoodies w/ Banana Slugs on ‘em than a Baboon?? Come on. And the Nads of Rhode Island? Really? Do they chant “Go Nads!” at every each home game?  Boll Weevils? You WANT to be named after a beetle pest who ruins cotton harvests and Mrs. Rudy’s flower gardens?  Kangaroos and Koalas?  Why not have Crocodile Dundee as your mascot!!  Ephs?  What the Eph?!?!?!  Moose?  Shouldn’t they be the UM-A Meese?!!?  And Humpback Whales?  I’d love to hear their battle cry/chants!!

I Just Don't Get It!!

Monkeys are even fierce beasts, and one of the dominant species in all the jungle. Gorillas’ only enemies are humans, and occasionally leopards, no one else dares mess with them. There’s not an animal out there than can measure up pound-for-pound to the sheer strength of a Silverback Gorilla. Wouldn’t this be a good mascot to have? Hilarious and Powerful? Entertaining and Dangerous?

Then there’s a whole slew of schools out there who don’t even have a nickname or mascot!! Like the University of Sarasota (Florida), Allen College (Waterloo, Iowa), Bastyr University (Seattle, Washington), and Sage College of Albany (New York). Again, the Bastyr Baboons? Sarasota Spider Monkeys?? Sage College of Albany Apes???

Bastyr Baboons???

The only monkey mascot I could stumble upon was the Pittsburg State University Gorillas out of Pittsburg, Kansas. And due to such they are now in my Top Six favorite institutions of learning. If any of yall know of any more schools out there repped by monkeys, please let me know…

RESPECT & RECOGNIZE!!